Twilight of the Third Age
by Warriorfic77
Summary: What if the Cullens weren't alone in keeping secrets. Just who is Bella Swan? Watch as the truth of her origins unravels after the heartbreak in New Moon. Will the Cullens make up for breaking her heart or will Middle-Earth world fall because of her new found hate? Can what was once broken be mended?
1. Ch 1 Like I Never Existed

**Lord of the Rings: Twilight of the Third Age**

Prolog: Broken Home and Renovations to the Heart

"I think-I think when it's all over, It just comes back in flashes, you know? It's like a kaleidoscope of memories. It just all comes back. But he never does. I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It's not really anything he said or anything he did, It was the feeling that came along with it. And the crazy thing is I don't know if I'm ever gonna feel that way again. But I don't know if I should. I knew his world moved too fast and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you toward someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him. It was losing me… I don't know if you know who you are until you lose who you are."

― Taylor Swift, _I knew You Were Trouble_

"Well, now

If little by little you stop loving me

I shall stop loving you

Little by little

If suddenly you forget me

Do not look for me

For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life

And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots

Remember

That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms

And my roots will set off to seek another land"

― Pablo Neruda, _Selected Poems_

"And so I wait. I wait for time to heal the pain and raise me to my feet once again - so that I can start a new path, my own path, the one that will make me whole again."

― Jack Canfield, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul II

 **Preface**

After all my long years of experience, I never expected to make such a fool of myself. I mean, I knew better. From the moment I had learned what he was I knew that whatever was between us could only end badly. And when I say badly I mean world ending kind of badly. But I couldn't help myself. I just had to explore, learn, and get way too involved. I couldn't stop myself from becoming obsessed and attached. I couldn't stop myself from falling in love. And now I'm about to learn the hard way what my mistake is going to cost me and more importantly… my family.

 **Chapter 1**

 _Like I Never Existed_

* * *

"I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."

Those were the last words I heard through the pounding in my ears. Every promise he made, every assurance he ever uttered, undone in these last few moments. In these few moments, under the trees in this soggy moss filled forest, my life came crashing down around my abnormal ears.

I felt his absence before I registered that he might have said something more, before I registered that _I_ could have said something more. But it was too late to call after him. He was gone and I could feel the despair well up inside me. I knew it was too late but I couldn't stop my body as it staggered after the one man I had loved as much as my entire family.

"Edward, please… don't go! Come back…" my heartbroken beg echoed through the trees and back to me making the forest feel like the empty bowels of a cave, a tomb... my tomb. Sobs started up my throat and burst out of my rebellious mouth.

"What did I do wrong? What more did I have to do?" I shrieked into the growing gloom, "Why… Edward, why don't you…want me?" My cries petered off into silence; an unwilling, broken, and harsh silence that filled me with more anguish than when I had begun. Falling to my knees, I used my arms to hug myself, trying to comfort yours truly. The broken sobs that racked through my body turned into an almost unearthly keening. I couldn't stop it. I tried and tried, but there was no stopping the outpouring of grief as the day began to descend into night both literally and figuratively.

After several hours, I began to rein in my despair and gained enough control to get up and head back to the house; the house that I had claimed was my home. Every footstep I took felt harder and harder to do. I couldn't imagine why. Logically I weighed the same, so why was it so hard to just walk back down the trail to the house. Could grief really incapacitate a person to the point where walking was this… impossible? Was this how… she felt?

As the first raindrops began falling I couldn't help but glance up longingly at the sky. The rain was cold and it enveloped me and the forest on all sides. It was as if the world was attuned to my misery and gave it a physical form. Shivering, from who knew what, I pressed on; fighting for every step I took.

As I neared the end of the forest trail a deluge of water drove me to the ground with its light pressure. I lay there trying to understand what was happening to me. Curling into the fetal position, I did my best to come up with a reason to rise and get out of the rain. All my reasons for self-preservation and comfort seemed to lead back to… him. For the life of me I couldn't think about anything but Him!

I shut my eyes as tightly as I could; trying to hold back my endless tears. I had to find something other than him to hold onto, to strive for. Finally, with the grit I inherited from my father, I fought my body until it obeyed my diminishing will. After my feet found solid ground again, I lurched forward resuming my agonizing way back to the building that would offer me sanctuary.

Finally, at the edge of the endless forest, I found the strength to look away from my feet and up at my surroundings. What I saw at my front door should have confused or even surprised me, but my pain fogged mind couldn't feel anything beyond the burden lying on my heart. It seemed like half the town of Forks was assembled outside the house, all congregated around Charlie who seemed to be directing them like troops into battle. However, one of these troops were less attentive than the rest. In one of his glances back toward the forest he spotted me standing there dumb struck and in mental anguish.

"Bella!" cried out the long haired Jacob Black as he broke off from the main party. Heads turned at his shout and their faces broke momentarily into relieved expressions at the sight of me. Those expressions faltered as they really took in my haggard appearance. Part of my absent mind wondered just how bad I looked.

Jacob was the first one to reach me, but as he reached out to embrace me I recoiled like he was trying to attack me. Jacob, totally oblivious, wrapped his arms around me anyway. "Bella, are you ok?"

I didn't respond. I mean, what was the point? He was gone and I would never see him again. "Bella…" Jacob's voice was nearly indiscernible above the babbling of the crowd, the dripping of the rain and the sound of Charlie barreling through the town's people to get at me.

"Bella what's wrong, where were you, are you hurt?" Charlie demanded in a voice that was an unusual mixture of indignant anger and unbridled concern. I looked up into his eyes and said something. To be honest I'm not sure what I was saying, I just had to say something, anything. Charlie frowned, "What?"

Jacob turned his head to Charlie and repeated "She said, 'He's gone'."

Charlie's face tightened into a controlled mask as the La Push kids started giving each other meaningful, and even hopeful, looks. "Come on, kiddo," Charlie urged as he tried to usher me into the house, "Let's get you out of the rain."

With Charlie's arms wrapped protectively around my shoulders I was led stumbling up the steps into the house. Part of me wanted to resist, but it wasn't strong enough to break through my numb disbelief. Charlie managed to get me up to my bedroom before the last of my strength fled and left me to fall into pitch black darkness.

If I hoped my unconscious mind would be blissfully free of my anguish, then I was more than sadly mistaken. Every tormented image I had been trying to block out came to the forefront of my mind and they all focused around Edward. With every vision my fragile heart cracked a bit more. I couldn't take it. I struggled to wake up, trying with all my might to free myself from the torture of my mind. It felt like an eternity as I battle through the darkness. I was sure time was slipping through my fingers like sand. But I wasn't able to move or escape from my nightmares.

Occasionally I could hear Charlie calling out to me in my sleep trying to rouse or comfort me. His wasn't the only voice. I could occasionally hear Mike, my faithful admirer, and Angela, my only true human friend in Forks. Jacob's voice was second only to Charlie's. That little Indian kid just wouldn't quit. He was just as bad as Mike, if not worse. But if it wasn't for Jacob, and the others, I might not have made it through those first few dark days.

But in spite of their voices and soothing words my pain would not abate. Every time his face was called forth, and every time his voice sounded in my ear, and every phantom touch that passed through my mind, a fresh wave of anguish ripped through my damaged heart. I told myself it had been a bad idea to fall in love with a vampire. I told myself I should have gone to my true home the moment I knew. I should have run for the hills, but I didn't. I let myself be manipulated into having feelings for that… vampire. That man, who wasn't even a man, had made me feel so alive when we were together. Now that he was gone, truly gone, I could feel the pain in my chest fade into a dull nothingness, an empty void in the place where he once had been. I fell into this abyss welcoming the nothingness as a suave for the pain. I never expected to resurface. After all, I'd rather feel nothing at all than the unrelenting pain of heartbreak.

* * *

The first day I opened my eyes was the day I finally made a choice. I couldn't stay in Forks. He wasn't coming back; there was nothing for me here, only death. I began to sit up when I noticed that I wasn't in my room. The light colors and curtain drapes around the bed meant that I was in a hospital. I groaned audibly at this. Why on this good earth was I in the hospital?

At the sound of my groan an attending nurse pulled back the curtain around my bed. "Where am I?" I demanded weakly. Her astonished face reassembled itself into a kindly, and slightly patronizing, expression.

"You're in the Forks Community Hospital. What is the last thing you remember dear?" the nurse supplied generously. At least I wasn't far from the house. Then my disengaged mind registered her pointed question. After a brief flinch I considered and then supplied.

"Getting home in the rain after…" I couldn't finish. I probably didn't need to, after all this was Forks. What happened on the day he and his family left must have crossed the town gossip like wildfire. In conformation of my thoughts the nurse started nodding sympathetically. After I worked up the desire to ask I turned to her, "Why am I here?"

The nurse immediately stiffened, "I… I should get the doctor." With that she rushed out of the room leaving me more confused than when I woke up. With an effort I climbed out of bed and started pulling the iv and heart monitor lines. This turned out to be a mistake as it set off the flat lining alarm which I had no clue how to shut off. In the end I just pulled the plug on the whole thing just as the doctor rushed in.

"Hey," was my lame half dead greeting. Before explaining anything the doctor sat me back down on my bed and started checking my vitals and huffing at me for removing all the medical junk. "Ah, what's going on doc? Why am I here?"

The doctor gave me a searching look for a moment before answering, "One week after you came home from the forest you slipped into a coma. You've been here for two weeks."

He was blunt and to the point trying to lessen the blow, but it didn't matter, the days of overreacting to such news were long behind me. Don't get me wrong, it was a big shock to learn that I was missing three weeks of my life; but if I was honest with myself I half expected something worse. In total honesty, I thought I might not wake up at all.

While I contemplated this, the doctor continued with his explanation of my condition and made a request that I stay one more night for observation before allowing me to go home. I wasn't having any of that. I was going home now, as soon as possible. Without further ado, I stood up and started heading for the hospital room door. I was expecting the doctor's almost obligatory demand 'we can't let you go running around in your condition'. What I had not expected was how my body's condition agreed with the doctor's prognosis by nearly sending me tumbling to the ground after three steps.

"Take it easy! You just woke up from a coma." The doctor's exasperated cry of concern made no impression on me. Ignoring him, I kept fighting for every step I made towards the door. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm going home," I replied curtly. The less time I spent in hospitals the better. I couldn't risk the doctors finding something that wasn't 'supposed' to be there. The doctor, however, wasn't going to have any of that. He and the attending nurse made moves to restrain me. My body was weaker than it had ever been, but that wasn't going to stop me from walking out the front doors of this puny hospital. I wasn't the clumsy girl that I pretended to be.

The moment the nurse laid her hand on my shoulder my own hand shot upward into a palm heal strike that connected solidly with her chin sending her reeling back. Using the IV stand as a point of balance, I kicked out as hard as I could, landing a blow squarely on the center of her chest. She crashed to the ground totally winded and unable to move. At that point the good doctor had me in a bear hug from behind that trapped my arms.

"Isabella Swan, calm down," the doctor's command fell on deaf ears as I moved to my next offensive. Lifting my legs to a ninety degree angle from my body, I allowed my body weight to bring both of us crashing down to the ground. The bear hug disengaged as we fell and I made the most of it by rolling out of his grasp. I looked up in time to see the doctor reaching into his coat. I dived at him as he pulled out the syringe and pointed it at me. My reflexes, honed by years of practice, struck out with absolute precision. Grabbing his wrist with one hand I used my other hand to strike the crook of his elbow folding up his arm and driving the syringe into his chest. The sedative he was going to use on me took an almost immediate effect as it emptied into his heart. His eyes rolled up into the back of his head within two seconds of the injection.

I fell back onto the cold linoleum floor gasping and totally depleted by the ten second tussle. I was so spent that I wasn't sure if I could even get back to my feet. As I processed this exhaustion and coupled it with my two week stint in a coma I came to a very terrifying prognosis; a prognosis that no human would have, or could have, reached.

Fear filled me up at the possibility that my diagnosis was absolutely right and with that fear came a strong enough drive to propel me to my feet and out the door. The adrenaline was back in my system and it rallied my failing body. With this in mind, I stopped by the medicine lockers and pilfered all the available adrenaline vials I could get my hands on. They were a safeguard against my flagging strength that I knew would only get weaker.

* * *

To my surprise I managed to get out of the hospital and across town without incident. Wasting no time I struggled up to my bedroom to gather the few belongings I would take with me. This might have been the house I may have slept in, but it was not my home. I had no reason to stay here anymore. So I was going to leave just like them, just like him.

With a great effort, I managed to shift my bed aside to reveal the built in trap door that held my genuine possessions left untouched since I had arrived here in Forks. Everything else I owned were just props meant to help me blend in and were easy to throw away. I didn't care about them just like the Cullens didn't care about me.

Jerking open the trapdoor I intended to yank my stuff out harshly, but what I saw froze my aching heart. All of my birthday presents, excluding the sound speakers in my truck, were there on top of the locked chest. Hands trembling, I reached out and touched my picture of Edward. I sat there staring at the face I had come to love with all of my heart until… until he had crusted it and cast me aside. Tears cascaded down my face as the feeling of loss swept over me again. Somehow it had not lessened in the last three weeks of endless dreaming. It had somehow grown worse.

But as I sobbed I couldn't help the surge of spite filled anger that coursed through me. In a fit of grief mingled with anger I picked up these empty reminders of the Cullens and chucked them all around the room before collapsing to the ground clutching at my chest trying to hold myself together. I realized going home to my family wasn't going to be enough to save me from this heartbreak. Their embraces weren't going to be enough to heal me. I needed my mother's hug, her reassurance and there was only one place I could go to get that.

"I'm sorry, Ada," I murmured. I had promised him and the others that I would always come home, but I couldn't this time. I would never be able to return to my true home again if I went to her, but I was headed there in the end at any rate, so why bother with a side trip that I might not survive anyway?

Pushing up on my hands and knees I went to the locked chest and popped it open. Police sirens sounded outside as I finished strapping on my gear. I sighed as I pulled a shoulder bag over my head. Part of me wished this day would never come; the day I had to say goodbye to Charlie, but it had to be done.

Extracting a small pouch from my bag I headed downstairs to speak to the man I had been forced to call father for the last few months. The front door nearly flew off its hinges as Charlie came barreling into the house.

"Bella!" his shout rang in my ears as I reached the bottom of the steps. "Bella, are you… here?" he half-cut himself off as his eyes fell on me. There was a split second of absolute stillness before he raced over to me. His warm strong arms wrapped around me in a fatherly way, but it was not my father's hug and I was not comforted by it.

"Charlie…" I managed to get out before he cut me off with a vehement exclamation.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again, Isabella Marie Swan! They said you attacked Dr. Gerandy and the nurse. What do you have to say for yourself? What on earth are you doing? And what's… what's with the bow?" His miniature tirade had started furious, but as each phrase passed his words grew more and more confused. He was still angry at the chaos I had stirred up and he was definitely relieved that I was on my feet again, but he was now frowning at the foreign and mysterious articles on my body, especially my wooden bow.

"I'm sorry, Charlie. I'm sorry for all of this," as I spoke in a soothing voice I discreetly poured a small amount of powder into my right hand from the small pouch. "I wish this could have ended differently for you… but, I don't have the time or any other choice."

"Bella, what are you saying? What are you doing?" Charlie's voice had dropped its angry edge. Now it was filled with concern and trepidation. I looked at him with a sad little smile on my features. "Bella, you're scaring your father here. Cut it…"

"You aren't my father, you never were," I cut him off. Before he could retort I broke from his embrace and blew the powder directly into his face. Sputtering and coughing he backed off and stumbled into the living room. I followed him reluctantly. I felt like I was pouring lemon juice into my open wounds. Helping him into a chair I began to do what needed to be done.

"Can you hear me, Charlie," I whispered in a soothing hypnotic voice.

Charlie stopped fidgeting in his chair and began to relax as the powdered drug kicked in. Eyes firmly closed he answered in a monotone, "Yes."

I took in a deep steading breath and preceded, "Man narain le be lín thannas. (What I tell you will be your truth.)" His eyelids flickered at the sound of my native tongue, but I pressed on. "When you returned to this house, you did not find Isabella Swan here. So you left again to continue searching elsewhere. Later you pass by the house again and you realize that her truck is missing. So you start trying to figure out where else she would go."

I twinged in regret as I imagined the pain I was about to put in his life with the deceptive scenario I was planting in his mind. But I couldn't think of any alternative that would keep him from causing an international incident trying to find me when I finally left.

"You are going to visit all of her old friends' places before you decide to check La Push Reservation and the Black family. On the way you will find… the signs…" I was having a hard time controlling my voice as I imagined the pain he would be in. Somehow, I stiffened my resolve and continued.

"… The signs of an accident. Someone had driven off the road, over the cliffs, and into the ocean. There is no way that the person survived the accident and you will have no doubt that it was your daughter, Izabella Swan." I could hear my voice cracking with regret and remorse as I pronounced my supposed fate. I could see the tears welling up at the corners of Charlie's closed eyes. I pressed on for everyone sake. I had to make it a clean break. I wished it didn't have to be such a painful one, but everything was against me at this point so I didn't have time for anything else.

"After a thorough investigation you will find a suicide note in your daughter's room in a secret compartment under the bed. After that, you will have an empty casket funeral for her and then go on with the remainder of your life. Do you understand?"

Charlie's tears were spilling over as he whispered, "Yes." I couldn't bear to look anymore. I couldn't look at the pain I was causing him for the sake of a clean escape from Forks.

"You will wake up in ten minutes and do as I have told you." I placed a hand on the chief's forehead, "Man narannin le, agoreg (What I have told you, make it so)." Charlie slumped in his chair and I let out a shuddering breath. The sooner I was home the better for all concerned. Life would go on in Forks like it had always done before. The Cullen's would be far from my reach and me from theirs. It would be like I had never existed.


	2. Ch 2 Edlenn and Hunted

**Chapter 2**

 _Edlenn and Hunted_

* * *

I trudged up to my bedroom to plant my false evidence. I started by picking up the Cullen's birthday presents and piling them in the secret compartment. I told myself it would make logical sense from a suicide's point of view. Their presents would be with the catalyst for the choice and vindicate the writing on the letter. Carefully, I constructed a convincing monolog in my suicide note and did my best to remain detached from it. _I don't want to kill myself,_ I thought again and again. That wasn't the plan and it would be entirely unnecessary if all went as I hoped it would.

After a lot of effort I moved the bed back into place so that the trap door was hidden. My task done, I headed down to my truck only to discover the police cruiser was gone. Charlie was already on the hunt to find me, so I had to pick up the pace. Revving the engines, that nearly made my ears bleed, I drove down the road to the La Push Reservation. The ride took less than half an hour but it felt like half an eternity. Finally, I found the road that ran alongside the cliffs over the ocean. Angling the truck to face the ocean I was sincerely tempted to drive off the cliff and accept a painful death to get to my mother that much faster, but that was not the plan. Shaking off the gruesome thoughts I got out of the truck and found a suitable rock to jam on top of the gas petal. Holding it above the petal I glanced up and down the highway to make sure no one was witness to my evidence planting.

The truck's engine sputtered into a roar and jerked forward along the path to its doom as the rock fell into place. The barrier held for the briefest of moments before the rusted sections gave way allowing the old vehicle to tumble over the side. Grimly satisfied, I dropped off the road into the forest to avoid being seen. After all, I was now supposed to be dead. If a witness saw me now the game was up and Charlie would never be able to move on. It took me another hour to hike down to the beach. All of my strength was exhausted within the first twenty minutes and it took a shot of adrenaline to maintain my exertions; but I wasn't going to stop, not when I was so close. The beach was the key to getting back in my mother's comforting arms and I needed them so badly.

* * *

Walking past the white log that Jacob and I had sat on while he shared his stories about the cold ones; I marched up to the bank and stared out toward the endless ocean. Taking a deep breath I began singing the incantation of my people that would take me to the havens in the West.

"Ledhllin trî auth adh dem

Thî lû tolin methed nín cuil

Dafin iarwain annaolir dâf

Na ledhithon na i dôr garin

(I have journeyed through war and sorrow

Now the time has come to end my life

I ask that you grant me leave

To journey to the land meant for me)"

I waited for a solid minute before I realized that nothing was happening. Desperately, I looked up and down the bank, but there was no ship coming in to port to take me to my final rest. Panic filling my chest I called out the verse of enchantment again beseeching the lords from across the seas, but they remained mute and unresponsive to my begging. After taking another deep steading breath I began the verse a third time but was cut off by a harsh voice that was carried to me on the cold sea breeze.

"Edledhianninol od Valinor. (You are banished from the Undying Lands.)"

I couldn't speak for the longest time. All my power to move, talk, and even breathe seemed to have been knocked out of me. I was banished? Banished from the final resting place of all my kin? Only the Kin-Slayers had been barred from the West. What Had I Done to deserve Banishment?

" _Amman_ (Why)" I whimpered in a low, broken voice

There was no answer in the form of words, but a sharp pain stabbed into my right hand. I instinctively grasped my hand in order to smother the sudden flickering fire that coursed under the frozen skin. I hadn't felt this much pain since the day that James had bitten me in the ballet studio. As that thought plowed through my emotional train wreck, I understood. I had fraternized with some of the darkest creatures that had ever been created and I had been contaminated by their life perverting venom. I even had the white glittering scar to prove it. For the misplaced trust and love I had put in the Cullens, I was no longer welcome in the eternal sanctuary of my people.

This should have been the final blow that destroyed me. The grief I was experiencing should have ripped my actual beating heart in half, but somehow, I lived in spite of my suffering. I could only sob and keen in lament as I lay on the stone pebbles of the La Push beach.

Fighting to regulate my tidal wave of emotions, one question always arose that shattered any control I managed to gain. _What do I do now?_ I had no answers to this final inquiry of my life. I had to live for something. I couldn't just go kill myself. If I did that, then I would be banished for all of eternity, not just my impossibly long life. But what should I do instead?

* * *

"Bella?"

I flinched in response to the deep husky voice that rolled over the beach ant through the sounds of the waves. I rolled over to look at who had snuck up on me. Jacob Black stood ten paces away looking entirely concerned for me and totally unsure what to do. I realized my plan for making Charlie believe that I had committed suicide was entirely spoiled now that I had been found out by Jacob. Between clearing my throat and sniffling I managed to force myself into a sitting position.

"Hey, Jake" my attempt at sounding nonchalant was so pathetic it made me wonder why I had even bothered to try.

"Bella," he moved forward hesitantly and then crouched down to my level, "Are you ok?"

I opened my mouth to give the automatic reply that I was 'fine', but the words were strangled in my throat. Turning my face away I asked in a dispassionate voice "How long have you been here?"

Jacob shifted awkwardly, "I… ah… have been here since you started singing at the sea." I couldn't stop the groan that rasped up my throat. I had been witnessed calling for a ship from across the sea. Never in all of my trips had I been caught in the act like this. It made a fresh wave of total shame crash into me. After a brief pause Jacob decided to broach a topic, "So… does Charlie know you're out here? I mean… he sounded pretty worried on the phone when my dad was talking to him."

I looked Jacob strait in the face to make demands of him, but I never got the chance. "Bella Swan? Is that you?" the voice chilled my blood. It wasn't the gruff and rough tones of a human, but the methodical and musical tones of a vampire. Jerking to my feet I turned to face my new witness. Adrenaline percolated in my veins as I considered all the possibilities.

It must have been some stroke of black fate that it was Laurent, one of the former members of James's coven, standing just one hundred feet away from us. Taking a slightly defensive stance I called back warily, "Hello Laurent, I thought you were up in Alaska with the Denalies. What are you doing here?"

He frowned at me and then at Jacob who was shaking slightly and scrunching his nose like he smelled something bad. "Well I'm here as a personal favor to an old friend to tell you the truth. Where is your Edward?"

"What's it to you and what do you want with Bella" snapped the inept Jacob. If I wasn't so occupied with what Laurent had said I would have groaned and asked Jake to let me handle this. Laurent had said that he was here as a favor to an old friend and to my mind that, 'friend', could only be one person, Victoria. And she would be interested in my welfare for only one reason. She would want to make it worse, much worse.

"Jacob," I managed in a horse whisper, "Run. Get out of here."

"What? Why?" argued back the irate Jacob. Before I could respond Laurent was directly in front of us, not five feet away shaking his head, his crimson eyes filled with amusement and slight regret.

"I'm very sorry Bella, but I'm afraid that neither of you will be leaving. You see you've caught me at a bad time. I have been looking for a meal for a few days now, Victoria _does_ want you dead, and I can't have any witnesses, can I?" The blood left my face at his words. I wasn't afraid for my own impending demise. Heck, I'd welcome it; beg for it if I didn't have one thing holding me back. Jacob would die too. He had barely begun to live only to have his life snuffed out by this heartless killer, unless I did something.

As Jacob began making a noise between a splutter and a growl I began threatening the crimson eyed vampire in front of us. "If you hurt us the Cullen's will find out, they'll hunt you down."

Laurent just shook his head again, a look of pity now filling his bloody eyes, "Why would they? They left you here alone and unprotected. It's almost been a month since they were here last. How much do you think they really care?" I reached for my concealed knife at my back as he finished his counter argument. I couldn't talk our way out, so I was going to have to beat a vampire hand to hand if we were going to survive this. The task would have been nearly impossible when I was at my best form. As I was now, I might as well carve our gravestones myself. But I had to try to beat him for Jacob's sake.

"Get Away From Her!" Jacob roared suddenly. He made to tackle our would-be killer to the ground. Laurent, collected as ever, made one sweep of his arm that sent Jacob flying over a dozen feet. Before I could make any kind of retaliation at all Laurent had my face between his indestructible stone hands.

"Please understand this is a mercy. If Victoria got her hands on you, you would suffer for days before she ended it and killed you." I didn't let his words or his casual victory over Jacob sway me. Yanking out my knife I slashed it across his throat trying to end the fight with one beheading strike. Unfortunately, I underestimated just how strong vampire skin actually was. A grinding shriek filled the still air as my knife cut a deep gouge that passed through the first layers of skin and exposed the mussels underneath. Laurent tossed me aside before I could get another strike in. He grasped at his throat in horrified surprise as he loomed over me.

"How did you do that?! How did you cut me?!" He shrieked at the top of his voice. All good humor and manners were gone from his face leaving only outrage. I grimaced in fear and disappointment. My magically forged weapon had failed me for the first time in my life. Now there were no cards left to play. Jacob and I would die here at the hands of this murderous vampire.

"Bella!" Jacob howled. My heart wrenched in my chest as I turned to the boy I had tried to save, one more big regret to add to the list. Jacob staggered to his feet and made a mad, suicidal dash at Laurent again. But something was different. Jake's body was vibrating so badly that he was blurred around the edges. My eyes widened as I took in the sight. I knew… I knew what was going to happen. I had seen it before. In the moment of my realization I curled into a defensive ball on the ground making myself as small a target as possible.

The growling bark of the wolf was drowned out by a sound that actually made my ears bleed. It was high and shrill with a grinding note that had me shrieking in agony. The sounds of the fight continued for several minutes as I stayed right where I was. I remained as still as possible apart from an occasional grimace from the ear rending noise.

As I lay there my mind began to wander against my will. I felt the weight of everything begin to descend on me again. _What do I do now?_ The question returned as I began to drift into an emotional haze that blocked out my surroundings. What should I do? The answer seemed obvious. I had to leave this world. I had to go home, a home far across the other sea. And I would never come back.

* * *

I must have dozed off lying there on the pebble beach, because when I became aware of my surroundings again I was being carried in arms that felt like fire. "Put me down," I demanded weakly.

"Bella," admonished a vaguely familiar voice. "You're not well, you need to rest. We're…"

"Put Me Down," I commanded in a firm unshakable voice. The man came to an abrupt stop and groaned something through his teeth. I forced my eyes open and looked my helper and captor dead in the eyes. "Now."

Sam Uley, my hauler, had only one more moment of hesitation. With a look of intense disapproval, he placed me carefully on my feet. I staggered to the nearest tree and used it to help support my weight. Sam looked me up and down, "You're not well."

I managed a week chuckle and answered his assumption as if it was a question. "No, I'm a bit worse off than not well. In fact, I might even have one foot in my grave." I was so tired that I was having difficulty staying awake. Reaching for my satchel I intended to pump some adrenaline in my veins. But my bag was missing along with all my other stuff. Making a growl that sounded more like a groan I turned back to Sam, "Where are my things?"

Sam was flanked by two other boys and Jacob. All of them were shirtless and wearing the same kind of shorts with a leather thong around their left or right calf. And all of them had the same kind of mildly guilty expressions with my things dangling off them. I held out my hand in a gentle request, "My satchel, please."

The others glanced at Sam as if looking for direction. Sam thought it over for a second and then nodded at them. The boys then proceeded to give back my stuff, some more reluctantly than others.

"You sure I can't just keep…" I yanked my dagger out of Paul's hands, "It's a cool knife," He whined to Sam who merely scowled.

"It's Bella's," Jake snapped at him.

"But we totally saved her life. She kinda owes us something," Paul countered. Jacob growled deep in his throat and started vibrating slightly as he squared off with Paul.

"Enough!" Barked Sam. He stepped in between the two of them, trying to prevent a fight. The two them peeked in their frustration and then burned out, shaking the hostility from their systems. I grimaced at their total lack of maturity. It was just my luck to be dealing with immortal shapeshifting infants, as if immortal vampires hadn't been bad enough.

Turning away from Sam as he reprimanded the two boys for nearly going at it in front of me, I started rifling through my shoulder bag. The third pack member, Jared I think, cocked his head at my searching. I finally pulled out another vile of adrenaline and extracted a small measurement with the syringe.

"What are you doing?" Jared demanded in a disapproving voice. His eyes were locked on the syringe in my hand like it contained some kind of illegal substance. I chose to ignore him until he grabbed my wrist preventing me from shooting myself up.

"Get off," I made my voice as tough as I could, but I could feel my strength slipping. My confrontation with Jared broke through the standoff between the other three nimrods. They turned to look at us frowns of concern and disapproval written all over their faces.

"Jared, what are you doing?" Sam growled in a 'back off' kind of warning. Jared took his eyes off me to answer the alpha nimrod of this pack of infants.

"I'm stopping her from shooting herself full of…" his words cut off as my free handed fist made contact with his windpipe. He let go immediately and backed away, rubbing his throat. Before anyone else could stop me, I plunged the needle into my shoulder. "…drugs," Jared managed to get out in a horse grunt.

Sam's face twisted in disgust as he looked me up and down. I glowered back at him already feeling stronger as fresh adrenaline began to flow through my veins. Jacob had a look of almost pure shock on his young face.

"Bella… wha… what did you just… put in you?" he sputtered.

Sam's face smoothed out into a tightly controlled expression as if he was holding back some pretty powerful emotions. I rolled my eyes at all of them. "It was just adrenaline, nimrods."

"Adrenaline?" Jared pressed. I nodded once as I force myself to stand upright without using the tree as support. Jared's confusion morphed into annoyance. "Well you could have just said so instead of punching me in the throat."

"I didn't have time to explain. Besides I shouldn't have to. You could, and should, have been able to tell what it was by just smelling it," I countered while trying to get my bearings and make a plan. I could see the line of questions form up in all of their minds, so I proceeded without prompting. "I was lucky to wake up from my brief black out just now. I could have easily slipped back into a coma and I probably wouldn't have woken ever again. The adrenaline is the only thing keeping me on my feet."

Looks of concern passed between them before Paul spoke up. "Don't you think your being a little over dramatic about your condition; and what do you mean smell it?"

I sighed as I turned away from the Spanish Inquisition, "No, I'm not being dramatic and don't play dumb with me or try and pass off what I saw Jacob turn into. The Cullens tried that on me and it didn't work. So, yes, I know that you're Wolf Shapeshifters."

I glanced over my shoulder to see their reaction to my revelation. There were quick looks that were slightly frantic as they were trying to silently create a cover story. These looks cut off as soon as they realized that I was staring at them. Sam, the spokesman, took in a breath in preparation for an explanation full of crappie lies, but I cut him off immediately.

"Hot skin, super human physiques and strength, healing factors based on the new scar Jacob's acquired on his cheek, and vibrating bodies that are on the edge of changing shape. How much did I miss?" Sam could only manage a glower after my sickly sweet tirade. I probably should have been more diplomatic about it but… ahrrr, who am I kidding. Only a jerk would have done it that way; but considering all that had happened I wasn't in the best frame of mind to be nice to anyone.

"And one more thing," I added returning to a more reasonable tone, "If we are going to play twenty questions then it's only fair if I get a turn, and so far you guys owe me three answers."

Sam chewed on my demand for a few seconds before resigning himself to my request, "What do you want to know?"

I turned back to the group as I organized my thoughts. "Laurent, the vampire that was trying to kill me and Jacob, did you kill him?" the wolf pack bristled at my question as if I had accused them of being serial killers.

"He was trying to kill you, Bella. What did you expect us to do?" Jacob defended. I sighed in minor relief and major exasperation.

"Jake, I'm glad he's dead if, and only if, you managed to kill him." That got the wolves attention. They shifted their weight from one foot to the other as they processed my words.

"Yes, we did. His body is being burnt away to nothing as we speak." Sam gestured behind us to a thin pillar of smoke in the distance. I decided to play nice by explaining why I was happy that Laurent was dead in spite of the fact that the pack refused to ask.

"Good, now he can't report back to Victoria. She's out to kill me after James' death, I suppose. Now she'll be in the dark with no information on my current status." I muttered in an undertone that I knew the wolves would hear.

Jerad opened his mouth, doubtless to ask another question, but Sam cut him off with a look. Sam was obviously rationing his questions in the hope that my reactions to their answers would give them something to work with. "Your next question?" Sam prompted me trying not to let his demand sound like a question.

I couldn't quite manage a grin at his reluctant prodding. In a happier time I might have been bursting with laughter, "How many people have seen me or know that I'm around since… Noon?"

This time Sam couldn't stop Jacob's hasty inquiry. "Why?"

Preferring not to answer that question for the moment I pressed on with my most important question. "Just answer the question. Who knows that I'm with you? How many have seen me?" I needed to know how badly my fake suicide plan was derailed before I could fix it, unless it had gotten completely out of hand. Sam took a long time to answer me, trying to see if he could find my angle before responding.

"Just us and that dead vampire, we haven't gotten around to telling anyone yet, but…"

"Then don't."

"What?" Sam couldn't stop his outburst. He scowled before pressing on. "Why don't you want anyone to know that you're alright?"

I managed to give Sam a very sad and small smile, "I can't stay Sam, it's… too painful. Everywhere I look I see him. And it reminds me… he's gone. Even Charlie is a reminder of what I lost here. He left me… He's not coming back. If I stay here then I will be dead within a month." It was all the truth, even the part about dying. I had to get back to my home, to my true family if I was going to even have a chance at survival. I slumped to the ground as the weight of my heart made itself known again.

Sam's face contorted into some kind of hurt look, but it was more like a kind of empathy. He understood why I was hurting and he even understood why I had chosen to leave. I continued in a dead voice, "I have to leave in a way that Charlie, Renee, and everyone else will never find me, never even look for me. Maybe after I'm gone I'll find some kind of closure or peace."

Jacob looked like he wanted to say something or argue, but was probably too scared about how I'd respond to actually confront me. Sam knelt down to my eye level, "I understand, really I do. I get that you want to vanish without a trace. To be far away from everything that reminds you who and what hurt you. But I have to ask… are you sure you don't want to say goodbye to Charlie… for his sake if not your own?"

I shook my head. I made my plan, now I had to go through with it. "What I have set in motion will keep everyone from looking for me. All I ask is that you respect my decision and tell no one that you helped or even saw me. Please, Sam, if anyone found out they would waste the rest of their lives trying to find me. Promise me, no matter what happens you will tell no one my secret."

Sam didn't even need to think about his response, "We will keep your secret if…"

"No one on _Earth_ will ever hear about the wolf pack from me, Sam. You have my word, that as long as you keep my secret, your secret will never get out to anyone on _Earth_ thanks to me." I promised with the careful clarification of 'on Earth'. I could never lie to my true family about my time here on Earth, but that wouldn't matter as long as no one came to Earth from my world. Sam nodded and held out his hand to seal the agreement. I, however, hesitated. There was one more thing that needed to be settled before we closed this with formalities. "I have one last question that needs answering before this," I gestured at his extended hand, "can happen."

"And what is that?" Sam asked politely.

"Will you help me get to Florida?"


	3. Ch 3 She's Leaving? For Good?

**Chapter 3**

 _She's Leaving? For Good?_

* * *

I couldn't believe my ears when I heard that she planned to leave and never come back. I reeled between anger and nausea as Bella described the pain she was in. I could see the agony in everything about her from her face to the very movement of her body. What alarmed me most were the signs that her pain was more than mental; it had a physical edge too. It was subtle, but there were signals that she was under some kind of physical distress. This was scary because she had no obvious injuries, but she was still hurt on some physical level that I couldn't understand.

After Bella had made her request, Sam pulled all of us aside and told us to phase so that we could talk without including her. I didn't like it at first, but when I caught the undercurrent of everyone's thoughts I realized this way was better. If Bella overheard even half of this she would probably volunteer to go to Florida alone and that would be stupid, if not suicidal with that red headed vamp out there.

'I agree with those sentiments Jacob. Letting her go alone is very stupid, and we wouldn't be able to live with ourselves if she was killed because we didn't help her.' Sam projected over his emotions and other less defined thoughts that were all filled with reluctance.

'Yea, but... ' began Jerad reluctantly

'…Can we leave La Push unguarded that long?' Paul finished the thought.

I couldn't stop the growl that ripped up my throat as I sensed Sam's grudging agreement with them. Sam turned sympathetically to me, 'Jacob, they have a valid point. We can't leave our families unprotected that long, but I also agree with you. We can't let her go alone. To turn our back on any human being hunted by a vampire is against everything we stand for. We have to come up with another solution.'

I thought about it for a second, 'What if I just go with her. I could protect her, I mean, I just took down my first vampire and it was the first time I ever phased.' I might have been playing it up a little. Yes, I fought that Laurent guy to a standstill but it was the whole pack that took him down. Granted by the time the pack arrived the bloodsucker couldn't even run.

'No. Good you might be Jacob, but you're still new at this. We can't afford you phasing in a public place and having the government picking up on the fact that some people in the Quileute's tribe have the power to become giant wolves,' Sam reasoned.

I snorted derisively, 'I can handle it Sam. Besides, who would you send in my place? Yourself? The pack needs you here to lead them especially if someone else changes.' I could tell Sam was thinking about it so I pressed my advantage. 'And would you send Paul? Can you see the number of reasons that is a bad idea?'

'Hey, not cool man,' Paul growled, stocking forward so that we could have a standoff.

'Thanks for making my point, Paul,' I sneered. That did it. Paul made a leap at me before Sam tackled him to the side growling in frustration at our antics.

'ENOUGH!' Sam ordered in a strange echoing voice that made Paul freeze up instantly.

'So that's the Alpha's voice' I mused internally forgetting that all my thoughts were free to be inspected by everyone else in the pack.

'Yea, that's the Alpha's command.' Jared commented on my private notion. I glowered at Jared for one second until a new idea hit me.

'Sam, why not order me to not phase at all with normal people around? That way I can't phase and still take Bella were she needs to go.' I thought it was a great idea but Sam instantly was in total descent to the idea.

'That would leave you totally defenseless in public places. What if that vampire caught up to you in a back alley?'

I snorted again, 'Really, Sam? You think I would be stupid enough to lead Bella down a dark alley with a vampire hunting us? Besides if the vamp does catch up to us in public we can use Bella's fancy knife.' We all remembered, through my memories, the shrieking sound the knife made as it cut Laurent. Sam conceded that I had a small point but he wasn't sold on me being the escort just yet.

'Alright Jacob, you have a talent at fighting vampires and you even came up with a safe way to avoid phasing during the trip, but what makes you a better choice than Jared?' Sam was testing me. I could tell he was at the breaking point of letting me be the one to help Bella. All he needed was a good solid push.

'Motivation,' I declared quickly, 'I care the most about Bella, so between the two of us I have a more compelling reason to keep her safe.' I knew I had won the argument. Frankly, I was totally surprised at the level of logic and the standard reasoning I had displayed. I must really have been motivated to be alone with Bella on her trip to Florida.

'Not alone. Jared, I want you to go with them,' Sam ordered.

'Shoot,' I was pretty sure couldn't talk my way out of this one. The phase 'three is a crowd' ran through my head a couple of times.

'Sorry Jacob, but I think it would be safer to have two of you instead of just one,' Sam declared with a note of finality. But there was one more problem to address before we could go anywhere.

'Ah, guys, not to be the pessimist here, but how are we going to get to Florida?' Jared asked. That got us stumped for a solid five minutes. We couldn't run the whole way with Bella on one of our backs. She wouldn't have the strength to stay on, for starters. Then there was the problem of witnesses too. There were too many of them to be sure we weren't spotted as we crossed the country. Then there were the usual ways people used to get around. The biggest problem there was the lack of money. Even pooling all our cash we didn't have the money to afford a plane, train, or even the gas for a car trip with the distance we had to cover.

'Maybe Bella has a way to do it,' Sam compromised.

'And if she doesn't,' Paul demanded.

Sam sighed, 'Then she has no choice but to stay in La Push for her own protection.'

With everyone decided, we phased back to human and climbed back up the hill to where Bella was waiting for us. I knew something was wrong before I even laid eyes on her. I could hear her pulse, slow and weak, from over fifteen feet away. Her breathing was soft and erratic. When we finally rounded the corner we saw her sprawled up against a tree in what might have been a sitting position but was now more like a slump.

I raced over to her at speeds that would have shamed an Olympic Athlete in the hundred meter dash. Sliding to a stop beside her, I grabbed her roughly by the shoulders and shook her trying to wake her up. "Bella! Bella! Talk to me damn it!"

Her face tightened slightly stirring from the dark trance she was in. Then, to my profound relief, her eyes snapped open and looked right into my face. She yelped in pain, cringing away from me. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Let go! Your hands are crushing…" I recoiled at her words. Letting go, I backed off as fast as I could. Appalled at what I done, I looked down at my own hands and then at Bella who was rubbing her upper arms.

"Way to go, Jacob. You nearly amputated her arms." Paul's snarky comment didn't make me angry. No, not angry… it made me ashamed.

"Bella… I'm sorry. I didn't…"

"It's ok Jake, you're new to this. Besides you woke me up, that's a good thing." She soothingly replied trying to keep optimistic. She turned a concerned look on Sam, "How long was I out?"

"We were only gone for fifteen minutes at most" He conveyed in solemn concern. Her face grew from uneasy to scared. Heck I was scared, so I couldn't blame her. In only fifteen minutes of inactivity she had passed out with a fresh dose of adrenaline in her system. Who wouldn't be unnerved by that except idiots? Bella shook off the fear and turned her face into a mask of composure.

"So… will you help me?" she did her best to keep the trepidation out of her voice. Earlier she claimed in total confidence that if we didn't want to help that she could do it on her own. Apparently that opinion had changed.

"Bella we want to help you, but there is one problem" Sam began delicately. Bella motioned for him to finish the thought. "We don't have the funds or the means of getting you to Florida."

Bella shrugged this off as a minor issue, "I have two airplane voucher tickets for a round trip from Seattle Washington to Jacksonville Florida. They're still in my bedroom, so getting at them might be a little tricky."

I was at first totally elated. Bella had an answer for how to get to Florida and, bonus, it would only work for her and one werewolf. But the good feeling faded into confusion as she mentioned that there might be trouble going into her own home. I looked at Sam to see if I could ask the next question. With his discrete nod of permission, I dove head first into the issue.

"What's the big problem going into your own house, Bella? I mean, it's only going to be Charlie in there, not the police or anything." I paused then and caught the irony of my own statement and amended myself before the incredulous Bella could correct me. "Ok Charlie's a cop, but seriously Bells, why are you avoiding him?"

Bella face betrayed a remorseful expression at my comment before she turned away briskly. I wondered if we were even supposed to have seen that look of pain. Bella broke my silent musing by announcing flatly, "We've got a long way to go and I don't have a car so we should start walking."

"What happened to the truck?" I asked totally baffled. Bella's only response was to walk off towards her house. I looked at the others, who only shrugged at me before heading after her.

* * *

After five minutes of strait up walking the pack got fed up. After getting Bella's agreement, the whole pack phased and Bella clambered on to me. Once she was securely on my back the pack took off into the forest as night began to fall. At our normal speed we would have reached Bella's house in just under ten minutes, but with a tired and weak passenger we had to go half our normal speed just to be sure Bella didn't fall off and get seriously hurt.

At the edge of the woods near Bella's place, the Pack came to a sudden skidding stop. For Bella's sake, I had to make an arc to slow down gradually. Thanks to super wolf senses and the Pack's mind link I knew why we had come to a complete stop before the edge of the forest. Charlie was at the house and so, the time had come to talk about the elephant in the room that had been left unresolved in the forest.

"What's going on?" asked my breathless passenger. In order to answer Bella, Sam headed off into the woods to phase back. Paul and Jerad, on the other hand, began to patrol to make sure the crimson vamp wasn't in the neighborhood of Forks. On my back, Bella glowered at me for some unexplained reason best known to her. To indicate my confusion I cocked my head at her. She sighed at my slowness, "Jake, I can't get off until you get down."

The sniggers from Jerad and Paul ran through my head as I complied. 'I'll get you two back for that later,' I swore to them. Their sniggers turned into full barking laughs. 'And keep it down you two or someone will hear us and then spot us.'

"Thanks for the ride," Bella murmured flatly as she began moving toward the house. I quickly got in her way. She frowned at my face, "What?"

"Charlie's home," Sam declared as he finally emerged from the trees. Bella groaned at the news and let her head fall into her hands.

"Great. That's just great. As if this wasn't complicated enough." Her muffled voice filtered through her supporting hands. Then she broke down entirely. "Why!" she shrieked and started attacking the nearest tree. "Why did he have to leave? Why did I have to care? And why can't I Go HOME!"

Panicking, I phased back to human without finding some decent cover first. Throwing on the trousers that the guys had brought me I raced over to Bella. I hugged her from behind and stopped her in mid rant. She kicked and thrashed like her life depended on it, but I knew better. If she kept this up she would seriously injure herself. I could already smell the blood dripping from one of her hands.

Within a few seconds she slumped, exhausted, in my grip. I was worried she had passed out again until I heard the most heartrending thing in the world. Bella was crying; more than crying, she was sobbing from her very soul. It was as if someone had died on her. I soothed her as best I could, but honestly, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had forgotten Sam and me where here. When she finally could speak she spoke what sounded like gibberish at first, but then I realized that it was a different language, probably the same language she had been singing on the beach. "Amman edledhiannin? Man samithogir? Ada… Arwen… (Why banish me? What will they think? Father… Arwen…)"

"Bella its ok, it's going to be ok," I soothed her. For a second she returned my embrace seeking my comfort. It was the greatest feeling in the world, being her rock in the hardest time of her life. From the moment I met her on the La Push beach I knew I liked her, maybe even loved her. This could be my chance. This moment could be the chance I had been dreaming about for months, a chance to be more than just Bella's friend.

Then the moment came to an abrupt end. As if waking up from a terrible nightmare, she went totally rigid in my arms. Quickly extracting herself from my embrace, she strode away to the end of the tree line. It didn't take a genius to figure out that she was doing her level best to distance herself from me emotionally as well as physically. This hurt, but she needed time, and I could respect that. It didn't mean that I had to like it.

"We need to get at those plane tickets before Charlie finds them. If he knows they exist and they go missing he'll get suspicious." Bella croaked in her best imitation of a level headed voice.

Again with this desire to keep Charlie in the dark; well I was tired of going in circles, it was time for some real answers. "Ok, that's it. What's going on? This is your dad we're talking about here! He has a right to know if your just gonna skip town. So, why do you want to keep him in the dark?"

"Jake, I…" Bella began in a testy voice that I cut off.

"No Bella, no more games. Look, I know your hurt and I know you need your space, but this is ridiculous; and if we are going to help you we need to know what's going on, right now!"

Bella glared at me throughout my whole tirade. I wasn't angry enough to phase but I could still feel the heat rolling off my vibrating body in waves as the wolf inside tried to claw its way out. Eventually Bella broke eye contact with me and turned to Sam.

"Do you feel the same way?" she demanded coolly. Sam must have nodded considering how her face twisted. Bella let out a breath in some unidentifiable form of frustration or trepidation. Turning away from both of us she spoke in a commanding tone, "I'm holding you to your promise Sam. No one, and I mean no one, gets told that the pack found and helped me. What they know is all that you know officially and unofficially."

I growled in frustration, "Will you just spit it out Bella!"

Bella flinched as if the anger snapping in my every word was a whip that had narrowly missed striking her. She took a steading breath and, in a voice of broken guilt, admitted, "I… I planted evidence that made it look like I committed suicide."

My mind went totally blank for half a second then her words from earlier came rushing back. _"I can't stay Sam, it's too painful… Maybe after I'm gone I'll find some kind of peace or closure… I have to leave in a way that Charlie, Renee, and everyone else will never find me, never even look for me… What I have set in motion will keep everyone from looking for me… I planted evidence that made it look like I committed suicide."_

She was really leaving; and if she was trying to make everyone believe that she was dead… that meant… that meant she was never coming back.

Then my voice caught up with my stupefied mind, "Wh…What? You committed suicide? Why? Why would you do that to Charlie? Do you want him to have a heart attack?"

Bella stood like a statue with her back to me throughout my entire tirade. When I finished, the statue came back to life and attacked like a wild cat, "I didn't commit suicide Jacob. I just made it look like I did. You don't get to judge me, none of the pack does."

Sam tried to get between us and stop the fight, but I wasn't having any of that. Stepping around my alpha I continued my verbal assault, "It's the same difference to him, and it would have been the same difference to me if I hadn't found you on the beach!"

"Well, that was the plan, Jacob!" she shot back in dark irony.

That hurt, she wanted me and everyone else to think she was dead? Didn't she care? "So you've chosen to hurt everyone the same way that bloodsucker hurt you, is that it? You want to just dump everything and everyone just because he thought you weren't worth anything?"

My face didn't budge as her open handed slap connected with a resounding clap that might have been as loud as thunder under the still trees. The blow didn't even sting, not really. What actually stung was the fact that I had hurt her so bad that she had felt the need to slap me at all. "Bella, I…"

"Don't! Don't you dare, Jacob Black." She warned in a deadly whisper. Bella turned away from me trying to hide the salty tears that I could smell running down her face. I made to hug her again, comfort her like I did before, but Sam stopped me with a hand on my shoulder and discreetly shook his head. Before I could make any kind of protest Bella started speaking again in a voice of forced calm, "I have made my choice and I am not turning back now. This path... it's the best alternative I have." She turned back to us with burning red rimmed eyes, "Now are you going to help me or not?"

"Do we have a choice?" Sam asked in humble acknowledgement of Bella's incomprehensible situation. If I had said it there would have been a whole lot more sarcasm and a whole lot of less understanding.

Bella gave a hollow kind of smile, "There is always a choice, Sam. I could choose to do this differently and I should have chosen differently with… the Cullens. And you can choose to let me do this on my own and even go back on your word to me, but we can never choose what happens after we act. The repercussions, the consequences of our choices will always be beyond our control."

So Bella, she was always insightful, even wise at times. It made me wonder how she could have screwed up so badly with that sinking vampire. Now she was being punished for what he had done. He broke her heart in an almost literal way. I could see it in her now, a despair that might have driven someone else to commit the suicide she had faked. Just then I wondered how close she had been to taking her own life instead of running like this. It was a scary thought, the world without Bella Swan. It wasn't something I was ready for.

The anger drained out of me as I went over her plan in my head again. This was my last chance to change her mind about leaving everything behind, me included. These were my last few days, if not hours, I had with her. There was no choice for me no matter what Bella's fancy little speech had said. Life without some kind of a bond with her wasn't much of a life.

I glanced at Sam before giving our answer in a resigned tone, "We promised to keep your secret and help you. Unlike vampires, we keep our word. So, what's the plan?"

* * *

The plan turned out to be very simple, but entirely too reckless for someone in Bella's condition. Whatever the hell her condition was anyway. Step one of the plan was for Sam to distract Charlie inside the house going over what our search party had found, or rather, what we were supposed to have found, which was nothing. The second step is where things got risky. With my help Bella managed to open and crawl through her second story window. Apart from nearly breaking her neck on the way in, the opening part of the plan was going off without a hitch. Then, as Bella was grabbing her stuff, the plan got very close to blowing up in our faces.

"Maybe she left something in her room that could lead us to her!" Charlie's desperate voice cut Sam off mid-sentence. I stiffened. Charlie was going to the last place we wanted him to be right now. If Bella didn't hurry up…

"Come on, Bella," I groaned to no one, "Time's up, we've gotta go."

Then I heard something that accelerated my heart to sprinting speeds; a harsh whisper that said "Jacob… catch me!"

"Bella!" I hissed. It was all I could manage before she was airborne over my head. It took all had not to shout at the shear idiocy of Bella's stunt. I did manage to catch her without getting either one of us killed, so that counted for something.

"Come on," She began dragging me around the house out of the sightline of her window. Her urgency put me off balance and this constant ducking out of sight to avoid her father was beginning to get on my very last nerve. But this was what she wanted. She wanted Charlie to suffer in the belief that his only daughter, the last true family he had in this world, had been hurt so bad that she had committed suicide to get away from the pain.

I grumbled inwardly. This entire situation just got under my skin like nothing else. It felt so wrong seeing her lying, running, and planning all in order to escape what he had done. Hell, if I didn't know any better she had learned all of this from that blood sucker of hers. A notion passed through my head at that; a notion that got me seeing red and made me quiver like a tuning fork.

Bella must have sensed my sudden mood swing, because she came to a stop and gave me a cautioning glance then a suspicious one to the surrounding woods. "Jake, what is it?"

I looked Bella square in the face doing everything in my power to control my raw emotions. _Remember what Sam showed you about Emily. Remember that you could do the same thing to her if you can't keep it together._ I fought for control over my unruly emotions and made some progress, but nowhere near enough to feel safe asking my question aloud while standing next to her. Taking a deep shuddering breath I backed off enough to have a bubble of safety between us. Bella frowned at the sudden distance between us but made no move to close it. "Bella, I need to ask you something before this goes any further and I want a truthful answer."

Bella froze like a deer in headlights for a brief moment, but then gave a consigned sigh as she bowed her head. After an anguished pause she made a gesture that said without words 'well let me have it', "Bella… are you running away so that you can look… for him?"

Bella's head shot up in a move a pure shock. Her face twisted into a grimace that settled some of my anxieties about her feelings for the bloodsucker, but also might have prodded the sleeping bear a little much. "I thought you knew me better than that, Jacob. He gave me up, tossed me aside like a broken toy; abandoned me!" Her voice rose until it was a shriek. I backed up a bit more. All of my anger was now forgotten in my sudden nerves over her open hostility. Her mad eyes bored into me as she continued in tones of a dire prophecy. "I wouldn't go crawling back to him if I was dying and he was the only one who could save me. Does that answer your question Jacob Black?"

I could only nod mutely as she glared at me. Her anger… it was beyond human. I had never seen a look that held such a deep and bitter edge to it. It was like the girl I had known had really died and come back as a vengeful spirit to haunt the living _and_ the undead. Bella's anger dissipated quickly and she turned away from me as she began to hollow out. Fear forgotten, I immediately began to pity her. All this pain, all this anger… all his fault.

"Did you know it would end like this?" I couldn't help but ask. She didn't even look at me as she started walking away toward Seattle.

"I told myself it would end badly. I knew that this story couldn't… wouldn't have a happy ending… but it didn't stop me. I just had to go and fall in love with a vampire. This… this was the worst mistake of my life."

Her bitter voice cut into me. She knew but she went for it anyway. I measured my tone and words carefully as I probed, hoping not to provoke the hibernating bear again. "Are you sure you're not making another big mistake? I mean, leaving like this? Planning to vanish off the face of the earth? Can that even be done?"

Bella looked back at me. There was a look of pity on her face, but not in her eyes. Bella's eyes still had the grief that the bloodsucker had instilled in her. "Jacob, I'm not making a mistake. Leaving and vanishing forever was always the plan. It was the plan before I even met the… Cullens." Her arms wrapped around her torso as she said the leech's last name.

I felt some sort of emptiness in my chest at her news. "You weren't going to stay… at all?" She shook her head and kept pressing on through the lifeless woods. I was floored at this piece of news. She was always going to leave, just like that? "You mean that there was nothing… not even love for those blood sucking leeches that would keep you here?"

"Yes," was her empty colorless answer. I stared at her back and tried to understand why she would abandon everything. It just didn't make sense.

"What if he asked you to marry him, would you have stayed then?" I demanded coldly. Bella recoiled as if I had smacked her across the face. I waited impatiently for her to dodge the question or answer with a bold faced lie. When she finally answered I could hear the truth in the single despair filled word that must have racked her very soul. And how did I know it was the truth? Because her single, quite word definitely racked my soul.

"No,"

In that empty moment under the depressing trees I understood why she had admitted that her relationship with him would end only badly. Even after she had met and fallen in love with that monster she intended to leave him and never come back. She was going to do it no matter who was left behind. She was leaving her entire life behind and it didn't make any sense, but for once I knew better than to ask. She wasn't going to tell me. It wasn't in her nature. And how did I know this? Because I knew Bella, when she started protecting something she would die before she surrendered and for some reason she was protecting something by keeping us in the dark.

"Well we aren't going to make good time to that airport by walking all the way there," I commented as I stripped out of my shorts, shoes, and t-shirt. "Give me a sec to phase and we'll be at Seattle before you know it."

All the others were in my head the moment after I phased and definitely had something to say about the thoughts in my head. 'Are you sure this is what you want Jacob? The pack needs you,' Sam tried.

'Sam, you know how I feel. Please don't try to stop me. Please.' I begged without groveling or wining. It was a simple, solemn request that held all of my tender hope.

I detected Sam's reluctance. He didn't want to let me do it but I could sense his will breaking as my emotions pushed against him. Then he straitened his spine and spoke in the alpha's double timber, 'ONLY IF SHE AGREES, JACOB. IF SHE SAYS NO, THEN YOU ARE TO RESPECT HER WISHES.'

I felt the weight of the alpha's command fall on me. Sam had made his decision and now I had to abide by the verdict. 'I'm sorry, Jacob. But I won't let you force her one way or the other, or worse take the choice out of her hands just because you can. I won't let any of us abuse our gifts just because humans can't stop us.'

And with that I bowed my head in acceptance of Sam's decision. He was right, but that wouldn't stop me from asking, from trying, I had to. If I failed, Bella would vanish from my life and I wasn't sure what that would do to me. I had to try to keep her here, in my life, even if it meant giving up everything.


	4. Ch 4 Nostalgia at Journey's End

**Chapter 4**

 _Nostalgia at Journey's End_

* * *

After six hours of waiting, Jacob and I finally boarded the first flight to Jacksonville Florida. I knew there were risks using a public transport system to get to the east coast. But the faster we traveled the better off I was. I wasn't sure how much time I had left and if I was going to die from this broken heart I sure as hell wasn't going to go down without seeing my family one last time and letting them know how much I loved and cared about them.

"First class," grumbled my traveling companion, "That bloodsucker spares no expense does he."

"He wasn't the one who bought me the tickets for my birthday," I responded coolly. Jacob raised his eyebrow at that, but was smart enough not to continue his snide comments. I didn't mind the insults he directed at the Cullens, not really. What I did mind was the constant reminders of the fact that they still existed, that they had once cared about me and now couldn't care less if I vanished off the face of the earth. It was such a present and painful concept that every time Jacob spoke about them it made me feel like he was pouring lemon juice on the open wounds in my soul.

Leaning back in my chair I waited for the plane to take off. This was going to be the hardest leg of my journey. All I could do was sit and wait while doing everything in my power to fight the dark shadows at the edges of my vision lulling me closer and closer to sleep. But I couldn't afford to sleep. If I did I might never wake up. What made this all worse was that I couldn't even use any of the adrenalin on the plane without being arrested for being a junky.

* * *

"Bella!" Jacob's harsh whisper jerked me out of my stupor. Quickly evaluating my surroundings I realized that we were already in the air and that the flight attendant was waiting for my order. I was shocked at how easily I had slipped into my timeless and dreamless sleep. _If I keep this up I'll be back in a comma before we land in Florida and I still have a long way to go after that._ With those thoughts in mind I asked for any and every kind of energy drink they had. The attendant came back with four bottles of five hour energy and a big fake smile that a toddler could have seen through.

"Still trying to stay awake," Jacob ask keenly. I looked at him with mild annoyance. How many times did I have to tell him before he got it? My condition was more serious than he or any human would understand. He must have mastered reading my face because he got defensive almost immediately. "Don't get me wrong Bells, I get why you're worried about going to sleep. I'm scared that you might not wake up too. So just take it easy."

I closed my eyes and fell back against my seat. Jacob was trying to get it and all I could do was act like a jerk. Before he could get overly worried about me passing out, I spoke up. "The only thing I can think of keeping me awake at this point is talking to someone. So, what do you want to talk about?"

Jacob pulled a comical double take as I gave him my open ended offer. His mouth worked very hard not to gape. In spite of all the potential of the moment I couldn't find it in me to laugh. To my dismay, I barely managed a halfhearted smirk at his goofy response. Had my heart been so thoroughly shattered that I couldn't even enjoy the little things in life anymore? Couldn't I, at least, be distracted from my internal anguish with these antics?

After Jacob had thought my offer through carefully he probed, "If you were just going to leave in the end, why did you bother coming to Forks?"

I frowned at Jacob as I pondered how to answer his question, "I'm not sure. I don't really remember what made me choose to come to Forks."

Jacob snorted in scornful disbelief, "Really Bella, you don't remember? If you wanted to talk you could at least be honest with me."

I looked away for a measured moment as I collected my thoughts. Working hard I tried to come up with a more complete and honest answer when I realized that I _had_ answered truthfully. "Jake I wasn't lying, or being off hand. I really have forgotten the main reason I chose to come to Forks and live with Charlie. All of my plans changed when I met the Cullens."

Jacob measured me with his eyes for a moment before he slouched back in his seat resigned to accepting my explanation as the truth; and, truth be told, I _had_ forgotten the reasons I came to this Earth for my visits. I knew that I had once had a reason for my visits and that they even managed to persuade my stubborn father to let me go on these hair-brained adventures. But at the moment… it didn't matter compared to the gaping hole in my soul that had once held the Cullens.

After a brief pause Jacob finally spoke again while trying to mask his anger. "So how did the… _Cullens_ … change everything."

The singular tone of utter disgust in his voice when he pronounced their name made me flinch. It felt weird to hear their name spoken with such venom. I tried to convince myself that, after everything that happened to me because of them, they deserved the anger directed against them; but a small part of me wanted to defend them. I tried to reject this part. They were vampires, dark monstrous beings that constantly ended human lives in their quest to satisfy their unquenchable thirst. My internal accusations against them didn't stick, however. The Cullens just weren't like that. As much as I hated to admit it they weren't like the rest of their murdering blood hungry kind no matter how much they had hurt me personally.

"Well?" Jacob's impatient snarl smashed my internal debate to pieces. I looked at his angry glare and took a deep settling breath.

"It's pretty complicated, Jake," I held up my hand to forestall his retort. "I'm not sure I can explain it in a few words. So, do you want the long version or the short version?"

Jacob thought about it for a second, "The long version," He demanded.

"Why the long version, Jacob?" Personally, I hoped he would have chosen the short version; there was a chance I would break down before the end. Most of his anger melted away as he considered his response, possibly seeing my question as a sign that he should relent and ask for the shorter version instead.

"I want to know why you didn't run for the hills when you learned about what they were. I want to know why you cared about them Bella. And most of all I want to know why you loved him." He was blunt and to the point I'd give him that.

Falling back into my seat again I considered my story and how I should tell it. If I told it wrong it wouldn't be the Cullens' secrets I would be revealing, but my own. Jacob's gaze began to bore into my head as he waited for me to begin. He probably realized just how hard this was going to be for me and to try to make it easier he stayed uncharacteristically silent and patient.

"I guess I'll tell you everything important then. From the first moment I saw them to the last time I saw… _him_." Jacob smirked.

"That's good," he remarked almost sarcastically, "I can moan and groan about them properly that way."

I glared at Jacob with as much heat as I could manage. "Jake, this is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done. If you interrupt me just to be insulting you won't get an answer at all." Jacob lifted his hands defensibly and then dramatically zipped his mouth shut. With that threat laid down I felt safe enough to begin.

* * *

I began telling Jacob the story I would have told anyone from this world. How I first saw Edward in the cafeteria and then sat beside him in Biology. How I watched him and all of his suspicious behavior for a month. I told him how Edward had saved my life in the parking lot. How I puzzled over the mystery of what he could be as he was obviously not human. I told him how Edward avoided me for weeks and weeks until I started getting asked out to the girl's choice spring dance. I mentioned that the beach party happened a day or two after he started talking to me again. I admitted that he was the reason I figured out the truth about the Cullen's. I continued on to how Edward intervened at Port Angelus when I had been cornered by those men, how I then confronted him with the truth. How, later that night, I realized my own truth… I was falling in love with a vampire.

Jacob actually managed to behave himself as I continued my story. I became very vague as I went into the interactions I had with Edward during the next few weeks. Through a roundabout way I indicated that on the day he introduce me to his family they had some unexpected visitors who were definitely not 'vegetarians'. I told him about James' little hunt and the heart-ache I put Charlie through in order to escape town. I told him about the trick he used to get me on my own. I told him about the bite that would have turned a human into a vampire.

What I had not told Jacob was that I wouldn't have become a vampire… I would have died… and it would have been the most painful death I could have ever experienced. After all only humans turned into vampires.

* * *

"So he did all of that, went through all of that trouble, just to dump you in the end?" Jacob asked in utter disgust.

"I know…" I sighed, "It doesn't make any sense."

"Well, it doesn't even matter really," Jacob countered.

Maybe it did. After everything Edward had done for me, said to me… was it all an act? Was he simply toying with my emotions for his own amusement? It's what a vampire would do. Vampires were, at best, heartless. Humans didn't matter to them. In fact, most humans treated animals with more reverence than almost any true vampire treated humans.

Part of me wanted to believe there had been something more between us, but I couldn't. His love for me was just a passing fancy for him. How else could he have torn out my heart and cast it aside so casually? I tried to cast the conundrum from my mind as we disembarked from the plane and moved through the crowded airport. But the harder I pushed it the more it slipped back in. _What does it matter,_ I kept telling myself, _I'm going home, I'll never see him again, and he doesn't care about me!_

"So… Where to now?" asked Jacob in a very forced offhanded voice.

It took me a solid minute to realize that we were out of the packed airport and in the departure area. Shaking off my disorientation I turned to face Jacob, "The coast."

"The coast," he asked incredulously. After I nodded at him he got a speculative look on his face, "Is this like… like what you did back at La Push Beach?"

I narrowed my eyes at Jacob, showing him in no uncertain terms that I would not answer any questions about my strange behavior and that I would not tolerate him asking again. Jacob caught on to my open hostility fairly quickly and backed off. "Geez, sorry. I just thought I'd ask."

"Then don't," I replied coldly.

Jacob frowned at me, "Look, I'm sorry ok. I promise not to ask again. But seriously Bells, I'm trying to help you and all you can do is bite my head off."

My gaze softened, but I refused to apologize in either word or gesture. It wouldn't do to have him probe into my secrets again no matter how bad I felt about my attitude. After all it wasn't like he was going to see me again after this any way, so what was the point of being overly nice?

After an awkward pause Jacob finally sighed and broke eye contact, "Do you have any preferences?"

I looked out to the setting sun judging how much time we had left in the day. "Tonight, some place isolated, and facing east."

"Why east?" asked my thoroughly confused escort, "Wouldn't you want a beach facing west so that you can watch the sun…"

"East Coast," I emphasized as I hunted up a taxi that we could hire with some of the cash I had on me. While Jacob didn't say anything I could feel his confusion and disapproval over my choice, but that didn't matter to me. Very soon I would be gone from this world and the only thing left of me would be a memory.

* * *

Our ride to the beach front was mostly uneventful as the taxi pressed through the traffic. I could almost see Jacob's thoughts as my time on this world dwindled. I sighed as I considered how I was going to solve this new dilemma, or rather old dilemma. His foolish, childish, crush was always going to end in heartbreak. The level of brokenness would have to be up to him, but I was the one holding the hammer. Could I take that swing? Could I break him the same way Edward broke me? I shook myself and let out a hollow dead laugh that got a worried look from Jacob.

"Do I get to hear the joke?" he asked hopefully.

I looked out the window measuring the shore for the ideal location before responding sadly, "Your about to be part of it." Jacob frowned and started to badger me some more when I saw a decent spot, "Driver pull over here."

The cabby looked at me weirdly before shrugging and pulling over. Jacob scowled and got out as roughly as he could. Sighing I started to go after him when the driver spoke up. "Hey you're paying… right? I didn't drive you out here for free you know?"

I nodded and handed the driver a wad of money, "Just stick around for a few minutes. He's going to need a drive back to the airport."

The cabby frowned at me for a minute before shrugging and muttering, "Sure, just don't take too long."

I nodded and climbed out making my way over to Jacob. His back was to me as he stared out at the ocean with his jaw clenched. I could almost see the emotions rolling off him as he did his best to keep a level head. To his credit, he wasn't even shaking which meant it wasn't anger that was rooting him in place like that. I stared at him until I felt sure that I could do what needed to be done.

"So where to now," Jacob asked before I could start.

I wasn't sure what my face looked like, but I'm pretty sure it was something akin to a heartless matter of fact expression, "Now you go home and I go on alone."

Jacob spun to face me and growled out, "No way! I'm not letting you run off alone with a psycho vamp on the hunt for your blood!"

I don't think my expression changed as I shrugged at him. "Jacob all I needed was to get to a safe harbor. Mission accomplished you can go home now. I promise, she'll never catch me… or even find me from here on out. Hell she won't even know where to look if the pack keeps its mouth shut."

Jacob growled warningly at me for my minor insult, before coming up with a counter argument. "All she needs to do is look at the flight registry to find out you came here and then the cab that took you here. You don't get it Bella, she can find you and she will! You won't be safe until she's dead!"

I gave him what I thought might have been a flat look before responding, "Then you better kill her when she goes back to La Push looking for answers."

"You still don't get it!" he howled as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration. "She won't need to drop by La Push to learn you came here and no matter where you go she will follow you, no matter what!"

I sighed, "Jacob, I'm not stupid. I know what it takes to out run a vampire. So I'm going to say this one last time before you get in that cab and go home. If she finds out I came here, and even if she comes and scours every inch of this bank, she will not find a single clue where to where I went from here. Trust me."

Jacob scowled and countered, "You don't know what their capable of."

I raised an incredulous eyebrow at him and asked, "You're telling me, Isabella Swan, the girl who's been hanging out with seven vampires for months, that I don't know what vampires are capable of?" Jacob nodded once and I just shook my head. This wasn't going well and I couldn't see a way of making him see sense.

"Bells, you aren't thinking strait. There's no way…"

"That I can hide from a vampire without your help?" I demanded sharply. Anger was now rising to my defense. Jacob nodded sternly, as if the action alone would convince me I was being childish.

"Jacob," I began and then thought carefully for a moment before pressing on. "I know what I'm doing. You might think what I'm saying is impossible… but it's not, Jake. I can run and hide from vampires and on a good day I can even fight them too. Remember the knife? I can do this Jacob whether you'd like to admit it or not."

Jacob frowned as he stared at me, trying to process my words and find a loop hole that he could exploit. I didn't give him the chance, "This isn't a request Jacob. Go Home and Don't Ever Try to Find Me."

Jacob flinched at the power in my command. I doubted if anyone had ever seen me like this, exempting people from my own world, that is. Jacob looked at me with a desperate yearning,"Bella, please. Let me help you," he begged. I sighed. If he was going to be impossible he would have to bear the consequences.

"You fell in love with a ghost Jacob. Bella Swan died a long time ago and she never came back. What happened between us on the beach meant _Nothing_ to me." I watched as my brutal words cut into him tearing apart his little world. My conscience cut at me as his face fell with each word, "I hate hurting you, I do… but I can't let you live in an illusion like I did. There was never any possibility of an _us_. And where I'm going… I wouldn't have even taken Edward or any of the Cullens. I'm not allowed to."

Jacob frowned the sadness still evident in every corner of his body, "Allowed to?"

I kept my response to a simple nod and started walking passed him to the crashing waves. "Good bye, Jacob Black."

Jacob grabbed my wrist and forced me to look at him. "Before you go there's something I have to say… Something I've gotta do."

I gave the naive child a sad smile, "Jacob, this isn't a fairy tale where you say the right words and the problems all go away. There are no prince charmings or dashing knights that save the day and sweep the girl of their dreams off their feet. Even if you promise to wait for me to the end of world I won't come back. There is nothing left for me here… only death." I watched passively as tears rolled down his face each one marking a new line of despair in his adolescent features. I reached up and hit a pressure point on his forearm, releasing me from his iron clad grip.

"Novaer, Jacob Black. Haarthain radaithon sîdh. (Farewell, Jacob Black. I hope you find peace)" I backed up two steps as he tried to make sense of my sudden change in language. With a final steading breath I spoke my last to Jacob Black, "Ego! (Be Gone!)"

I turned my back abruptly so there could be no confusion. This was a good bye pure and simple; an end without complications, cut and dry. I would never see him again and he would never see me. I did my best not to feel the moment, but I couldn't stop the worming regret that filled me as I glanced back to see Jacob staggering to the cab bound by the magic of his kind. My heart throbbed with in me as I thought back to all I had been through on my latest adventure on Earth. I could honestly say it was far less bloody than some trips, but none of the others had left such a wound on my soul.

Turning back resolutely on the highway I focused on the gently rolling waves. Doubt wormed its way into my mind as a possibility occurred to me. Was it possible I was banished from Arda altogether? If that was true… where would I go?

As I hesitated on the shore a bird cry filled the air. Turning my gaze to the heavens, I saw a lone sea gull fly out to the sea. Its graceful path flew into the horizon and I lost track of it. But I didn't need to see where it had gone to know it was a sign for me. I was allowed to return to my family even if I was barred from my final home.

Taking a deep breath I strode forward to the crashing waves as the last bit of sun descended behind me. "Hîth a dae, brriao in. (Mist and shadow, protect me.)"

Waves of fog billowed up from the ocean covering the coast for a mile in an eerie unnatural white out preventing anyone from seeing anything that wasn't ten feet in front of them. After a brief grimace at my half-baked shroud and how much effort it took to make it, I moved on to the next step, an incantation that would take me back to Middle-Earth.

"Rain hên, tolog bar na in.

I duinen iallaol na I gaear.

Raeviaog ad na in.

Gae ú I duath

Gomaethao

Na Ennorath

(Wandering child, come home to me

The high tide calls you to the sea

Sail back to me

Dread not the shadow

Fight together

To Middle-Earth)"

My call was met with the sounds of the waves being parted by a ship; a ship that I knew. Striding forward into the shallows I eagerly awaited it to emerge from my conjured fog. As the vessel closed in I started making out its majestic silhouette. The square sailed ship was gently curved like a dish, its prow curving back on itself making a spiral pattern, and its overall simplicity granting it a majestic look that the race of men could never hope to recreate.

"Suilannad, Lothuialeth.(Greetings, Twilight Blossom.)" Called the elven ship wright Círdan. I couldn't bring myself to speak as I climbed aboard the ship that would take me home. Círdan came over to me, a frown crossing his bearded face. It was rare to find an elf with a beard and on other trips I had made many jokes about his. I felt no inclination to do so now. Círdan could obviously sense this and knew something must be horribly wrong if I had given up my gentle ribbing.

Before he could speak I turned to him with my dead eyes. "Take me home." My simple request made him flinch as if I had slapped him across the face. It was obvious now that the light that once was within me was dying. The light of the Eldar was passing from me, abandoning me. Círdan studied me for another moment taking in my changes before nodding once and returning to the tiller with urgency.

I briefly turned back to Earth's shore before whispering my final goodbye to the land that had given me so much. I had several adventures, many lessons, and it had become a place to cope with the loss of my mother. But this was a final goodbye. I would take the pain Middle-Earth would throw at me if I could just get away from the soul shattering agony of my heartbreak. Miles away in Alaska, Alice Cullen whispered her own goodbye as her visions showed her only human friend fade away from this world and her sight.


	5. Ch 5 Broken on The Side of The Road

**Chapter 5**

 _Broken on The Side of The Road_

* * *

I staggered and collapsed on the side of the road. For a moment, I let my fatigue overcome all of my senses. I now understood the expression 'Dead on my Feet'. For an elf, exhaustion was a rare thing. It most commonly occurred after a hard battle or a long march; but this level of weariness was entirely out of place for any elf that wasn't on the edge of death. Seeing as I was at that edge, I felt completely justified in taking a few hours to regain my strength, let alone a few minutes.

Rolling onto my back I stared at the noon day sun. Its rays weren't warming me like they used to. They weren't giving me the strength to rise and continue on my journey. Bitterness filled me as I realized that this was the end for me. I had come so far and I was going to die in some ditch because I was too weak to make the last few leagues to Rivendell's borders.

After landing on the shores of the Grey Havens I had wasted no time in gathering up a horse and riding as hard as I could to Rivendell. The road had been filled with several dangers and with my reckless charge I was bound to attract a lot of attention. Eventually my luck ran out and I was ambushed by a small party of orcs on the third night of my journey.

It was the hardest fight of my life. Weakened beyond belief by my broken heart and the hard travel I had been doing, I was almost easy prey for the orcs. If I hadn't been able to thin out their ranks with a few well-placed arrows, they would have been able take me away to one of their and torture me like they had my mother. However, I managed to survive and kill all of them so they couldn't run off and rally others. Unfortunately for me, they managed to kill my horse thus compelling me to continue my death march on foot.

So here I lay, just a few leagues away from Rivendell's outlying patrols, dying on the side of the road all because I opened my heart to the heartless, because I had compassion on the cruel, because I had befriended fiends, because I fell in love…

My shuddering sigh punctuated the sunset. For six or more hours I had lain here trying to regain my strength and I was weaker now than I had been when I collapsed. I was going to die… I was going to die out here, all alone leagues from home, and there was nothing I could do but stare at the sky and marvel at the beauty of the constellations of my home land. I closed my eyes and did my best to accept my death. This was my punishment… my penance for defying the Valar and consorting with the creatures of Morgoth.

But in spite of all my efforts a spark of defiance still lit in my core. Did I really deserve this? Did my family? I would die out here and they would never know what had happened to me. Círdan, master ship write and lord of the Grey Havens, would be blamed for not giving me an elven escort home when he had none to give. And above all, why did the Valar have to play such a joke on me; allowing me to return home, only to die before reaching my family? There were no words for the agony that gripped my heart.

All the horrible things that had done to me and all the terrible things that I had done to others came crashing down on me as I wept in the night. Nothing more could be done. Nothing but death… and even that couldn't release me from my torment. I was barred from the West. There would be no peaceful afterlife for me. I would be trapped in limbo. But at least it wouldn't be as bad as the void that Morgoth had been banished to. Then again, maybe it would.

* * *

The sound of a crackling fire reached my ears and roused me from my nightmares. It felt like my eyes had been glued shut, but with a tremendous effort I willed them open and took stock of my surroundings. There was a camp fire to my immediate right and I had been covered with a blanket. There was a pot hanging over the fire and the smell of a rich stew filled my sensitive nose. I groaned as my stomach cried out for sustenance.

The sound must have alerted my _Good Samaritan_ , because after a quick shuffling sound a face loomed over my widening eyes.

"Bilbo?" I managed to rasp out in shock. Bilbo Baggins was the hobbit that accompanied Thorin Oaken Shield's group in their quest to retake The Lonely Mountain. I had met the pleasant Halfling when they passed through Rivendell and when he was on his way back to the Shire with Gandalf. But what was he doing here now? Then again, it didn't really matter. All that mattered was that, with his help, I had a chance to make it home alive.

"Yes my dear, and I must say, you look rather worse for wear," joked the old hobbit in an anxious attempt to lighten the mood. His face grew solemn as I failed to respond to his admirable attempt to lift my spirits. "What has happened to you? You look so…"

"Broken?" I provided breathlessly with a slight twitch of my lips that might have been a smile even if it was only a rueful one.

Bilbo frowned in concern, but nodded to himself. "Here, let me help you get some food. That'll do you right."

Bilbo quickly moved over to the pot and dished out some of the wonderful smelling stew. When he came back he looked at me awkwardly and shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he considered what to do next. I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but I think it came out like a pained grimace. If I survived this, I would really need to learn how to smile again.

"Help me up, Bilbo." I managed to whisper.

Bilbo rushed to my side, set down the food, and propped me up with his travel pack. It was lumpy, but I would have to make do. Besides, my body was already in pain, a few more lumps in my back weren't going to make much of a difference. When it became apparent to the hobbit that I was in no condition to feed myself he started feeding me, spooning out the stew bit by bit. When the bowl was finished he went back to get more but I stopped him with a hand.

"Bilbo, I need you… to do something for me…"

The hobbit looked desperately concerned as he grasped my trembling hand in two of his old wrinkly ones, "Anything, my dear, anything at all."

This time I did manage a weak smile at his caring gesture. "About four leagues… down the trail… the elven patrol… I need you to go there… get help."

"Lady Lothuialeth, I can't leave you here. Do have any idea what your father would do to me? I'm going to stay right here and help nurse you back to health and then we can go to the elven patrol together."

By some miracle, I managed to find the strength to shake my head from side to side, "Bilbo… have to… if you don't… I'll die."

It was the only thing I could think of saying that might get the old hobbit moving. Bilbo looked aghast at my truncated declaration. Before I knew it he was asking a dozen questions and uttering twice as many reassurances, none of which he gave me a chance to answer or contradict. Even if I hadn't been in my weakened condition I would've had a difficult time getting him to shut up long enough for me to reply.

It took him almost five minutes to calm down and realize that he was demanding the impossible of me at the moment. His eyes filled with concern he knelt down beside me and begged, "What can I do, how can I save you?"

My heavy eyelids closed without my permission and I took a deep breath, "Nothing you can do… Get the elves… They'll… save me."

Bilbo's grip tightened on my hand, his worry was palpable, "But what if they aren't there? What if something happens to you while I'm gone?"

I forced my eyes open again and looked hard into his own, "Have… chance it… if you call… they _will_ come…"

"What do I call? How will they hear me from miles away?" he asked desperately.

"Magic of our people…" and that was the long and short of it. Our magic permeated throughout all the lands that we protected. If someone gave a desperate enough plea, in our own language, we would hear the summons and anyone nearby would come to help. My eyes closed again and I could feel my consciousness drifting, the darkness overwhelming me. Desperately I forced my next words out very carefully. I had to get them just right or help would never come, I would die, and Bilbo would blame himself.

"Yell… Elvellon, athao. Harnaon ah i râd men andelu." (Elf-friend, assist me. I am hurt and the road is too dangerous.)

As I finally gave in to my exhaustion I could hear Bilbo crying out my name, desperately trying to keep me awake, but it was too late. The darkness had me; and it wasn't letting go. As my mind began to drift I thought back on a song from Earth that I had heard once and how aptly it seemed to apply to me at the moment. " _Will I wake to see the morn'… or maybe paradise?_ "

Would this be the last time I closed my eyes, or would I open them again someday?

* * *

It felt like a brief moment in eternity. What a funny oxymoron that is; something that's brief and yet eternal at the same time. How can something that is abrupt and concise be everlasting and unending? And yet that's what it felt like to me. The hollow empty feeling of depression consumed me, swallowed me whole, and dumped me into an abyss. There was nothing… nothing but the blackness that surrounded me. Pain came back and flashes or in slow heartrending throbs, but most of the time I just sat there empty and alone. While inside the blackness it felt like I had been there all my life. Not just the life I had lived, but the life I was going to live. I could feel all the thousands of years to come as they filled with the abyss of my anguish. This was my eternity in hell.

When I finally opened my eyes it felt like only a few minutes had passed. Now I understood. I understood how a brief moment could feel like an eternity. It wasn't that a true forever had passed. It was the feeling that something could never pass until it had. Then, when it had, you were free and all of your suffering felt like a moment… and only that. This is what it meant to have a brief moment in eternity.

Taking a deep breath, confirming that I was still alive, I began to take stock of my surroundings. I was home, back in my old room, in Imladris. In a daze I climbed slowly out of my bed and stumbled over to my balcony. I had to see, to assure myself that I was really home; that I was actually back with my family, that I had made it.

As I took in the sights of imposing waterfalls and majestic buildings my mind emptied. I wasn't sure what I was feeling at that moment; relief certainly, shock possibly, but I was definitely in a daze. It probably explained why I didn't notice someone entering my room until their silver tray hit the ground.

My heart leapt into my throat as I whirled around to face the unexpected crashing sound. Behind me in the doorway stood my sister staring at me like she had seen a ghost. I took in everything about her from her elegant draping robes, to her long dark brown hair, and finally settling on her wonderful face. I felt my heart lift at the sight of her. My big sister had always managed to make me feel better in spite of all the pain we went through when mom had left us.

"Arwen," I wasn't sure why I had said her name aloud; maybe it was to be sure I still had my voice, or maybe I just treasured being able to say her name again, or maybe it was to prompt her to say, or do, something.

My sister immediately responded to her name and crossed the room. She took my face and both of her hands and forced me to look into her eyes. She held my gaze for several moments as her eyes studied mine. I knew what she was trying to do. When I had told… him… that I was an open book to my mother, I hadn't lied. My eyes were the most expressive and honest part of me. That's why I avoided looking people in the eyes as much as possible, especially my family. I didn't want them to see my suffering, the pain I was still experiencing over my mother's departure. But, for whatever reason, I couldn't look away this time. I didn't even make an attempt.

As Arwen gazed desperately into my eyes I knew that she was looking for something and, with the way her face filled with deep-seated sorrow, I decided that I didn't want to know what she found.

"Muinthel, what happened to you?" (Dear sister)

I forced a rather bitter smile, "A lot."

Arwen's interrogation came to an end as our twin brothers rushed in and spoke at the same time.

"Arwen, what happened? We heard the tray clatter. Is Bella…"

"Alive?" I finished for them. I let them stare in stunned disbelief for a few moments before I plowed on, "Yes, I think I am alive, but honestly why does everyone look like they've seen a ghost?"

The twins burst into identical grins that started out fully delighted, relived, and even cheerful but slowly transformed into a more wary and cautious look as they took in my appearance. Once again I wondered why everyone was looking at me like that. I grimaced as a possibility crossed my mind. Did I now bear the same haunted expression that my mother had before she had left into the west? I didn't really want to think about it, to acknowledge it. But I had seen these looks before and, while I didn't want to face the truth, I knew what they meant.

The twins looked at each other for a brief moment, before nodding in some form of unspoken agreement. "We'll get Ada; he'll want to know you're up."

Once the twins were out of earshot I turned back to Arwen. "I really look that bad, don't I?"

Arwen turned her face away from me, suddenly vary intent on keeping her expression hidden. I smiled sadly and touched her upper arm turning her to face me again. I looked her steadily in the eyes and waited for her to respond. Her eyes watered with unshed tears and her lip trembled imperceptively. She looked away again as she responded, "Yes, you are… we were afraid that…"

I stared at my sister, guilt ripping through me as her distress became more and more obvious. Arwen had never faltered in her words like this before. It took something truly good or extremely back to render her speechless. But then, she had managed to say something. She'd never started a sentence and not finished it before. "You thought I was going to die, didn't you?"

Arwen locked eyes with me as her tears started to fall, "Bella…"

I flinched at the pet name my family had given me all those years ago. It felt like a knife had been driven into my heart as my name was echoed in a voice that I never wanted to hear again.

Arwen continued as if nothing had happened, "You've been… very ill, for longtime."

I looked in my sister in bemusement. "How long?"

My sister hugged me very carefully as if I was a fragile glass figurine that already had cracks in it, and maybe I _was_ that fragile. "You've been unconscious for almost a year, neth." (sister)

My body froze up; an instinctive reaction born from my experiences with… them. My body had learned that it was far better to remain absolutely still, like a deer caught in headlights, than move and insight the wrath of a predator.

"A year," I asked in my hollow voice.

Arwen didn't answer, she just held me closer. I close my eyes and felt the weight of eternity rest on my shoulders once again. The hollow feeling thumbed deep within my chest again as it truly sank in how long my family had watched me. Wondering, every day, if that day was the last day I'd live.

I finally lifted up my arms and returned my sister's embrace. The horror I'd put my family through… it was unacceptable, inexcusable, and… unavoidable. No, it _had_ been avoidable. If I had done the sensible thing, none of this would have happened. "I'm sorry, muinthel." (Dear Sister.)

My sister shook her head while it was still buried in my shoulder, understanding that I was trying to take the blame onto myself despite the situation being completely out of my control as usual. It was something she completely disapproved of, but that didn't stop me. This time, it really was my fault. The only person that could be blamed for this horrible situation was me.

We sat there in silence for several minutes as our feelings raged on within us. I was almost calm when Arwen shifted again and looked me in the eyes.

"Why did you come home?" She sobbed gently. I froze as I tried to decipher what she meant. Sensing my confusion she clarified. "Why didn't you just go into The West after arriving in the Grey Havens?"

My body went slack as I understood what she was getting at. With the condition I was in, it was only logical that should go to the Undying Lands where I could heal and rest for all of eternity. It was the question I had been expecting, but one I still wasn't ready to answer. I swallowed as I tried to come up with a response.

"Bella?"

I recoiled as if I had been struck across the face. My heart burned within me as the feeling of cold arms surrounded me and the echo of his voice whispered in my ear. Bitterness welled up within me. "Don't use that name."

Arwen's confused and hurt expression tore into me as she tried to look into my eyes again. "Neth?" (Sister?)

A close my eyes and let out a shuddering breath. I just hurt her even more. I had to let her know what was wrong with me right now so that she would understand why I was being so distant. "Rang Gûr." (Broken Heart)

Arwen's eyes widened and her mouth parted slightly in shock. I tried to smile at her, but it was probably a hollow mockery of my former glowing smile. My new smile probably held every ounce of pain I had. My sister's face relaxed into a compassionate expression. It wasn't exactly pity… no my sister was too kind to allow for the patronizing feelings of pity to mar her thoughts. That was the best part of my sister, she would never judge you until she knew your side of the story and when she finally did, she was kind.

I knew she wanted to know more and I decided that it would be better, this time, to rip off the bandage quickly. After all, I had already suffered for over a year that felt like an eternity… what was a few quick seconds? "It happened on earth. I don't wanna go into it."

"I wouldn't either," Arwen nodded her understanding. She hesitated but spoke again, despite her obvious trepidation, "but that doesn't explain your return here instead of going to the Undying Lands?

I turn away not wanting to look at her face. Arwen tried to turn my face towards hers, but I didn't let her. I didn't want to say it, to tell her or any of my family about my fall; to tell them what the Valar had decreed. It would come out eventually but I didn't want it to be right now.

"Neth, please, tell me." (Sister)

My heart rate accelerated, my hands became sweaty, and my senses sharpened. I could hear my brother's leading my father down the hall. They would hear my answer if I spoke now. _You're going to have to tell them eventually_ , I told myself, _better now than later when it could hurt more._ But my heart rebelled sealing my mouth shut. I fought and fought, but I couldn't say it.

"Please, don't shut me out," Arwen begged and something snapped within me.

"Edlenn" (Exile)

Everything in the world stopped. There was no sound, no movement; everything was still. It felt as if even the world needed a moment to process what I had just declared. Whenever force had been preventing me from looking at my sister seemed to disburse upon my one word declaration. I turned back to her and looked her in the eyes. I wasn't sure what emotions were going through her head, what thoughts, or if she even had any. What I was sure of was that she was having just as much trouble processing the news as I had when I had first received it.

"Edlhiain." (I'm banished.)

It was all I could get out before my tears started to fall. My sister's face twisted from shock to horror as my sobbing grew. "Edlhiain od Valinor. (I'm banished from the Undying Lands.)"

My sister didn't say a word as she wrapped her arms around me; she didn't need to. She rocked me gently as I wailed my despair to the heavens.


	6. Ch 6 I Have Questions That Needs Answers

**Chapter 6**

 _I Have Questions That Needs Answers_

* * *

One Year. That's how long it had been since I, Alice Cullen, had last seen Bella Swan; and that was only in a vision. I hadn't seen her in person for a month before that. The last vision I saw Bella in was of her climbing into a wooden boat with a cloth sail; so primitive compared to motor boats… not to mention slower.

Shaking my head, I did my best to brush off my irritation with Bella's choice of sea fairing transportation as I zoomed across the foyer, organizing and straightening the house in a manic, obsessive pattern. My attempts to distract myself from my endless questions and imperfect visions weren't working as well as they usually did. Jasper, my one and only, always tried to keep me balanced with his gift, but even he was concerned that I hadn't seen anything.

 _That's right…_ I thought to myself, _I can't see_. _Nine months of actively trying to find Bella's fate and I can't see where she is, what she's doing, or even a gravestone indicating her death… something that's always happened before when I tried to see humans who have passed away. Why can't I see anything?_

It wasn't right…it wasn't natural. My visions had never failed me like this before. They always showed me something, even if what I saw was subject to change, but to see nothing at all? It had never happened before. It frustrated and worried me to no end.

A wave of calm washed over me and I forced my face into a scowl. Normally I appreciated my lover's efforts to keep me balanced. After all, how emotionally stressed would you become if you kept seeing things that might happen, but then again might not. All that second guessing the future could drive anyone insane and who could avoid trying to manipulate events they saw so that things worked out better for themselves? Not me, that was for sure, and playing such games with the future would stress anyone out… eventually.

"Jasper, I appreciate what your trying to do, but sometimes putting feelings off till later can make things worse, you know that better than anyone."

My lover's arms encircled me in a comforting gesture as his chin rested on top of my head. "I know Alice, but I can't stand it when you get so worked up over nothing."

If I could feel anything but calm reassurance it would have been something akin to annoyance. "Nine months of actively looking for Bella's future and coming up empty is not nothing, Jaz."

Jasper's arms tightened in surprise at my declaration. The calming influence he'd been exuding over the entire room vanished in an instant. In its place his shock was broadcasted to every corner of the house before he cut it off. I had chosen my words very carefully and deliberately trying to get him to leave me alone, but I had over done it and now I had to deal with my entire family. Really, I should have seen it coming, but then again I was overly focused on Bella's future as opposed to my own. I was grateful Edward wasn't here; if he had been, he might have taken my head off for my declaration. I slipped out of his grasp and started pacing around the room at high speed. I could see some of their questions even before they asked them so I decided to answer them preemptively.

"I know Edward and the rest of you have asked me time and time again not to look for Bella's future. But just because I'm not looking doesn't mean I don't see. A month after we left, I saw a vision of Bella getting on a wooden boat with a cloth sail in a strange, unnatural fog bank. I have no idea which beach she was on and I haven't seen a single vision regarding her future since. It's infuriating, especially since I started taking an active interest in her future for the last nine months."

My family stood in silence for a few minutes processing what I had said. I let them have their minute; after all it was a lot to take in. They knew how scarily accurate my visions were most of the time and being told that I wasn't having any at all was very disturbing for them. To no one's surprise Rosalie was the first one to speak up.

"Are you sure that Bella isn't just simply dead?" she asked in a dismissive attitude that almost made me snarl. Her attitude was just so cold when it came to Bella; like she was a nonentity, unimportant, less than worthless. Bella was one of the best friend's I'd ever had and thanks to my thick headed brother, Edward, I didn't even get to say goodbye to her.

Shaking off my anger I spoke my answer through gritted teeth. "She's not dead Rosalie. If she was I would see her dead body or a grave, but there would be something… Something isn't right."

"Of course there's something wrong," Rosalie agreed in a haughty tone. "You're worrying about a human. She's not our problem."

This time I couldn't hold back a hiss as I whirled around to face her. "Bella is not just some human!"

"Of course she is! She's just another weak, _mortal_ human! We should never have gotten involved with her."

I didn't hold back this time. My snarl was so loud that a human would have heard it even if they had been outside the front door of our house. The whole family tensed as we glared at each other with barely repressed violence. Rosalie had always been a pain in the proverbial neck when it came to dealing with anything outside of her perfect little world. The only thing we really agreed on was fashion and fast cars. We had never really had any major disagreements before, but when it came to Bella we had more than just a disagreement, we were nearly at each other's throats and, as vampires, that was a very dangerous place to be.

Before a real fight broke out, Carlisle stepped between us. His expression alone made us back down. All of us respected our father figure. He was the one that made our way of life possible. He was the one who discovered that we could live on animal blood, that had brought us together like a true family; not just a gathering of allies. If he asked us to do something, then we did it. There might be some grumbles and complaints, but we did what he asked.

After making sure Rosalie wasn't going to say anything else, Carlisle turned to me and searched my eyes. I fidgeted as his frown deepened. "Alice, when was the last time you hunted?"

I shifted awkwardly in place as I felt all their eyes lock onto me. Thanks to my gift I already knew how they would react to the truthful answer and an evasive answer. So I chose the best course of action and told them the full truth. "Two weeks… I know that's reckless but, my visions get stronger and come more often when I'm thirsty. I was hoping that it would help me see…

"You're starving yourself so that you can check up on a human?!" Rosalie hissed angrily. I glared at Rosalie again the burning thirst making it harder to control my temper.

"I told you before Rose, Bella is not just some human. She's my best friend! And I won't tolerate… "

My words cut off as a vision flooded my mind. It wasn't a vision of Bella as I'd hoped it would be, but one of Edward. I held up my hand for-stalling every question as I immersed myself into the possibilities of the future. The things I saw twisted and tore at my gut as I watched the events unfold. It was almost a foregone conclusion until I chose to step in and then the path changed.

I focused on what was necessary step by step and with each new choice I made, new information became available; dreadfully, horrifying, and unfathomable information that I just couldn't accept. None of it could be true, it just couldn't be, but it was there and I had to deal with it.

However, the information didn't make sense. From what I was learning, my last a vision of Bella shouldn't have been possible if half of this was true. At that point I decided to investigate to seek out answers. With that decision made, my vision blacked out. It was like the future had ceased to exist for me.

If I had done something that would have gotten me killed I would have seen my death. I had seen visions like that before and each time it was unnerving, but I had used my foreknowledge to escape my untimely demise. This blankness unnerved me even more than seeing my own death. Had I simply ceased to exist just like Bella? Or was it that my powers were beginning to wane.

I shook it off. I wouldn't be deterred by what they had seen and not seen. I still had to save my brother before I tried to figure out what had happened to my best friend.

"We need to get to Forks, now!" I declared my voice shaking.

Rosalie scoffed, "I've already told you. That human's fate isn't…"

"We need to get to forks before Edward kills himself!" I interrupted her with as much venom as I could muster before rushing up to my room to grab some essentials for the trip.

* * *

"So why is Edward killing himself," Emmett asked for the hundredth time.

"I don't know, I didn't see that part," I repeated my lie for the hundredth time. Privately I wished I was exaggerating about the number of times I had said this, but I had counted and I was quite certain it was the hundredth time I had answered Emmett's repetitive question.

My family and I stood in the departure area for Edward's flight ensuring that he couldn't do anything supernatural to escape us. He would have to walk out like a normal human because of all the witnesses and we would intercept him like a normal family gathering before he could slip away. From there it was a simple matter of holding him down until he cooperated. Even if he did read our minds he wouldn't be able to escape us. I wasn't about to let my brother die, even if he was a block headed idiot.

Even as I concluded my confident assessment passengers started filtering out of the plane. I waited patiently knowing that my brother might delay the inevitable as he tried to penetrate my mind and discover why he was intending to kill himself. Fortunately, I had finally come up with a way to keep him out of my mind despite his attempts. A small part of my mind was focused on the here and now while the rest of it was focused on translating every song I knew into every language I knew.

Edward wasn't getting anything from my mind. If he wanted his answers he have to come and talk to me thus allowing us the opportunity to restrain him. He must have realized this which was probably why he was delaying the inevitable.

Even as these smug thoughts faded from my mind, Edward hesitantly stepped out of the plane terminal.

"Edward," greeted the falsely enthusiastic Rosalie. Before he could so much as voice a single protest she had her arms locked around him in a friendly hug preventing his escape. Edward gave her his typical blank dead look that had become an almost permanent fixture on his face of the last few months. Without my permission, my mind thought back to all the worried conversations we had about Edward, about how he had been lost since he had left Bella.

I cringed as his gazed turned and focused on me. There was an accusation there as well as a demand. He wanted to know what I knew. But I wasn't going to give it to him without a fight. I stopped my mind right there preventing my thoughts from wandering as I redoubled my efforts to keep him out of my head.

I was grateful that the rest of my family were doing their best to keep him occupied as I braced myself for his interrogation.

"Alice," Edward finally spoke his dead voice rattling my mental focus, "What did you see?"

I smiled blandly at him hiding my frustration with him from the general public but not from the mind reader and empath. "Well, I've seen a lot of things, Edward. You're going to have to be a bit more specific."

Edward's face shifted enough from his dead mask so that we all saw a flicker of annoyance in his obsidian colored eyes. "I'm not in the mood for games, Alice. Why did I kill myself?"

I closed my eyes refocusing on translating every version of genesis from the bible that I ever read into every language I knew. Tilting my head and giving him my most adorable smile I asked, "I didn't realize that you were a ghost, Edward. How could I have ever missed that?"

A couple of the family chuckled at my joke, but Edward wasn't having any of it.

"Alice," he snapped.

I opened my eyes, looked into his own, and really took them in for the first time in months. They were heartbroken, lost and desperate. I had never seen him look so broken. Could he already suspect that Bella was…

A quick snap vision flooded my mind and I reacted to it before anyone could consider the consequences. At full vampire speed I grasped Edward's wrists preventing him from slipping out of Rosalie's hug. Edward began struggling for all his worth. The anguish on his face was so heart rending that I couldn't stop myself even though I knew it wouldn't help. "Edward, stop! She's not dead! I'm sure she's not dead!"

"What does it matter if she's dead or alive? You left her behind! She isn't your problem anymore." Rosalie snapped angrily. Edward turned his angry obsidian eyes on her as he tried to escape our grasp.

"Edward, please," I begged desperately. This was going badly. He wasn't listening.

He knew that we wouldn't let him go now or ever leave him alone so that he could end his own existence. I wasn't sure what I could do to change his mind about this. He just wouldn't listen, wouldn't believe that she was still alive even if I did show him my memories. Edward turned his gaze back to me as the rest of the family put a protective circle around us.

"Listen to her Edward," Carlisle begged. Edward shook his head violently still struggling in our grasp.

"At least hear her out," advised Jasper carefully influencing all of our emotions so that we were in a more reasonable state of mind.

"Come on bro, chill. Let Jasper work his magic and we can talk this out." Emmett encouraged.

Edward loosened up a little, but I wasn't fooled I still saw him trying to run away so I hung on waiting patiently for him to surrender fully. He looked back at me. His blank mask was back in place save for the complete and utter devastation in his eyes.

"If you stop fighting and hear me out I'll tell you everything." I promised. His eyes narrowed and the tension between its built despite Jasper trying to smother it. Finally Edward nodded but again I wasn't fooled. "Edward, you have to mean it or I won't tell you anything."

Edward shoulders finally slumped as he gave in properly. A vision flooded my mind of me explaining everything to him. In my vision I explained how I'd been searching for months from Bella's future but hadn't found anything and what that meant. I explained my first vision of her a few months ago waking up from in a hospital and heading to her father's house and gathering things. I explained that I'd cut off the vision at that point respecting his idiotic wish for me not to go looking for her future. I explained that I had had one last a vision of her the following night. I explained that I'd seen her standing on a beach waiting for a boat with a white sail and that she had boarded this boat in the middle of them very thick fog bank.

After that my vision changed a little. It showed me explaining to him what I'd seen when he went to Forks. That he had met Charlie. That Charlie had tried to kill him with a shotgun screaming how Bella had committed suicide to escape the pain that he had put her in. Charlie had further scream that he couldn't even bury his daughter properly because her body had never been recovered.

At this point my vision ended because a new vision erupted when Edward decided to try to escape us again. I narrowed my eyes at him and he stared flatly back.

"You didn't even let me finish." I snarled

"What else is there to say," Edward demanded. "She's dead and gone and it's time for me to join her."

"You always assume the worst don't you?" I asked rhetorically before anyone else in the family could butt in. "Well, let me remind you. I saw her boarding a boat with a cloth sail. Charlie was going to tell you that she killed herself by driving off a cliff. Those two stories don't match up. We need to figure out if she really is dead."

"And if she is?"

I winced knowing where this was going. Edward didn't let up. He stared me down with everything he had. I look back at him knowing what he wanted and I privately begged with him. I didn't want him to die, none of us did. How could he hurt us like this knowing that?

His eyes accused me before looking at Jasper. The look had said it all; would I want to live if Jasper died? Would I care what anyone else wanted if my other half was missing from this world? I fought with the truth and my conviction wavered.

Finally I bowed my head in defeat. ' _I won't stand in your wave she's really dead. But you have to promise me, until we find a body, you won't try to kill yourself._ '

Edward nodded discreetly once, and only once, and I knew that he had agreed to my terms. Reluctantly, I let go of his wrists and nodded to Rosalie let her know that it was safe to let him go, but she didn't budge.

She glared at Edward and demanded, "Are you going to try this ever again?"

When Edward didn't respond to her Carlisle stepped forward, "Edward?"

Again Edward didn't answer the question. He looked away from us and said, "Let's get to Forks and get to the bottom of this."

The rest of the family looked at me doing their best to hide their worry. I sighed and told them a half truth. "He won't leave it alone until we find out what happened to Bella, and for that matter, neither will I."

The family looked at each other having their own privet conference while Edward and I waited for their verdict. Carlisle and Esme looked terribly worried about Edward, but I could tell that they were also fretting over Bella's disappearance. Jasper and Emmitt appeared ready to storm Voltaire if that's what it took to get Edward to calm down and go back to normal. Rosalie, however, looked opposed to the whole thing, but resigned to seeing this thing trough. Carlisle nodded at them before turning to us.

"Where do we start?" He asked.

"La Push," I answered.


End file.
